I try to be as open as possible about my life, my triumphs and my heartaches, my doubts and my beliefs and I am always willing to share matters that are close to my heart. Sharing is usually something that comes quite naturally and without reservation. One thing that I am always hesitant to share about are my romantic relationships. Not because they aren’t a huge part of my life but because I believe there is a sacredness in the intimacy of being in love that should be protected and tread upon lightly. Not just falling in love but also falling out of love. I will never play the woe-is- me role. I am strong and independent but like anyone with a seemingly tough exterior have a big heart so I love and feel very deeply. I also was raised that if I didn’t have anything nice to say I shouldn’t say it at all. But today, I feel like I have a worthwhile message for girls who are in love, looking for love and especially those who are broken hearted.
Around the time I started my blog and moved to Thailand I went through an emotional rollercoaster ride due to my relationship with my college boyfriend of five years. If you know me and/or him personally, please be aware that I write this with the utmost respect and delicacy. I also write it with a simple dose of the truth. Like any relationship we had our ups and downs and for the most part we had a lot of ups but ultimately our lives were headed in different directions and we couldn’t continue to be a unit and go where life wanted to take us. At the time, I dealt with our breakup privately and in a tasteful manner which I still do to this day. I don’t believe airing his dirty laundry is beneficial for anyone. I forgave him on my own terms and took control of my own life, happiness, and destiny. It feels artificial to box it up and tie it with a neat bow because let me assure you, heartbreak is no simple matter. It was actually excruciating, relentless, isolating and persistent. But I can look back now, after I have fallen in love again… the right way… and be grateful for the pain because it lead me to where I am today. Long before I started any type of relationship I fell in love with myself and how much I have to offer myself, my partner and the world.
Today I am falling more every day for the nicest guy I’ve ever met. We laugh 90% of the time we are together which is a lot. I feel appreciated and special. I feel like I can trust him wholeheartedly, not just as a lover but also as a human being. When you fall for someone who loves the way you love you realize that no matter what past relationships brought to you, they could never fill you up completely. Not because my exes lacked anything specifically but just because they didn’t love me the way I need to be loved. The topic of love can easily sound trite and cliche but it’s one of those things we write about anyway. It’s one of those things we want to read about anyway. It’s one of those things that we acknowledge and concur with others because love is a verb that exists all on it’s own for people all over the world simultaneously. It’s a feeling, a verb, a state of being, a constant energy and most importantly it is something that can be gained or lost in many different respects throughout one’s lifetime. Without it… life wouldn’t be nearly as interesting.
But today, in my headspace, along with a million other thoughts I am simply captivated by what it feels like to fall for a good guy. When you are falling in love with a good guy you don’t feel scared or uneasy. You feel safe and capable of being your true self. You aren’t scared to tell him about your awkward moments or your favorite childhood memories. You never feel forced to be something or someone and you can tell him anything without the fear of judgment, jealousy or anger. You feel like anything you do or say he thinks is funny or cute(hopefully.) You realize how hopelessly pathetic this sounds as you are writing it but quite honestly you don’t care. You feel like he would defend you to anyone in the world in your absence or presence. He wants you to do whatever makes you happy and makes you feel alive. A good guy listens, even when you don’t think he is listening. He cares and he shows it. A good guy is not a perfect guy, he will still piss you off and leave an incessant mess behind him that you have to clean up but he will know when to apologize and when to tell you you are out of line. A good guy makes you realize your flaws but also serves as a catalyst for self-improvement. A good guy makes you realize that guys will always be a different species than us but the most we can hope for is one who lets us be the weird but wonderful woman creature we are. Despite lots of eyerolls and reluctant selfies, a good guy puts up with your annoying womanisms as long as you allow him the same favor.
When you fall in love the right way with a good guy you don’t know if it will last forever but you don’t have to think about that because you are too busy being happy right now. He throws you violently into right now because you want to appreciate and savor every moment of getting to know each other and building your friendship and life together. The future doesn’t seem to scare either of you and you genuinely know that no matter what you will always want what is best for each other. Falling in love is such a tricky and intimidating process especially when you suffered such a significant and life changing heartbreak but falling in love with a good guy is pretty simple. I fell in love with myself first and I went through dating a few guys that were ultimately wrong for me but I feel fortunate that they led me to where I am now. With a good guy.
The more I get to know him and get to know myself, the quicker I realize that it’s really pretty simple but we try to make love complicated. We want love to match the complexities of our world but I don’t think falling in love the right way is anything like our world. It’s simple. It feels right. You feel like yourself and you feel like your life is just enhanced by the relationship. If you think it doesn’t exist… I promise you it does. If you are brokenhearted by the “perfect guy” I promise you that is not your good guy. As hard as that might be to accept, in hindsight you will see it all too clearly. A good guy is not your whole life but he makes your heart feel whole. You will never forget the pain of true heartbreak but luckily it shapes you into an even better partner to your good guy. Your good guy who has the core qualities that you value in a partner. For me, my good guy is funny, hardworking, loving and most importantly kind. Kind guys are good guys. Stop looking for the wrong things and get to know yourself inside and out. The closer you are to who you want to be the easier you can attract someone you want to be with. Be patient, be adventurous and be grateful if you fell or are falling in love with a good guy. They may be hard to find but don’t give up. It might feel hopeless, stressful and complicated but your good guy will come along and make it all pretty simple. That’s what mine has done at least.