Is louder better?

Action speaks louder than words. Is louder better?

But words MATTER. 

I might be a bit biased as a former English major and English teacher. I am also a blogger, aspiring author and  the daughter of an English Teacher who taught me the power of language from the moment I could use it. 

I am an action gal too, don’t get me wrong. But just as Black Lives Matter does not imply that all lives don’t matter.  Action speaks LOUDER than words should not imply that words don’t speak at all. 

Why is lockdown impacting me so differently_ 

Don’t believe me? 

I can’t breathe. 

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Why is lockdown impacting me so differently?

I can bet a lot of money that you have asked yourself this question in the last two months… Everyone I talked to is either feeling guilty for feeling good or guilty for feeling so bad. How ironic is that? 

Why is lockdown impacting me so differently_ 

Lockdown for me has not been all rainbows and butterflies but as I stated in my previous blog about how to deal with the unknown of corona virus,  this sort of life changing upheaval is not new for me. It has proven to me time and time again that dramatic life changes, whether we choose the changes or not, will always open our eyes to things we weren’t paying attention to before. 

In my guided meditation today from the Calm app, she discussed creativity. One of the quotes she shared was “Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found”- Eckhart Tolle 

Lockdown for me has been that stillness but not in a physical sense. I have committed to one of the most challenging programs the company I partner with has to offer. My fiancé has taken up a new hobby of cycling and encouraged me to get involved which has been a blast. In the U.K. (where I currently live) under our lockdown laws, we are permitted one hour of outdoor exercise a day and because we live in a ground floor flat with no real outdoor space, and the weather has been uncharacteristically beautiful and sunny in England,  we have taken advantage of those daily walks or cycles every single day. Movement has been my medicine and my sanity. 

But that stillness has been present in my mind. I have felt more creative than ever with my online coaching business, my blog and my personal writing. During January and February of 2020, I had lost a bit of my sparkle (to put it nicely.) I know now that it was seasonal affective disorder permeating every area of my life but  I spent so much time in my head and going through the motions, I just didn’t feel like me and I couldn’t shake it. It’s like lockdown woke me up again. It brought me so deeply and forcefully back into the present moment, that at this moment I feel nothing but gratitude for this experience. 

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How to Deal with the Unknown of Corona Virus 

There is no right answer. But for me processing includes writing and although there is no right or wrong way to feel, act or process I thought I would compile this resource for those people like me who absolutely require looking on the bright side. 

This is not a medical blog. I’m not going to tell you to wash your hands. (ok, maybe I’ll sneak it in there) but seriously, as a 29 year old woman- I’m a bit concerned that washing your hands seems like a new concept. I’m not here to make light of the situation and act like it’s all butterflies and rainbows. 

How to Deal with the Unknown of Corona Virus 

I am sharing my truth, my personal experience because let’s face it I have a lot of experience with unexpected life changes. 

I have said to several clients, friends, and family members that I think this type of upheaval feels quite familiar to me. If you’re new here, I’ll give you some quick bullet points, my best friend died by suicide when I was 16 and my mom attempted a year later. I spent my teenage years in a mixture of grief, house parties and finding my love for writing.  I went to university eight hours away from my hometown in Upstate New York and moved abroad to Thailand, Australia, New Zealand and currently live abroad in England with my fiancé.

In my first stint living abroad I had to deal with dramatic heartbreak and the unraveling of a five year relationship due to infidelity. But I healed, deepened my love for travel and myself and my adventures brought me to Australia where I met the love of my life. We had to abruptly leave the life we were building in Australia in 28 days which you can read about here. Then we had to deal with the visa process and the endless struggle of being in an international relationship. Most recently, we went through the process of my partner donating his kidney to his younger brother in August 2019 and that’s the first time I wrote about this concept of Hurry up and Wait. How to Deal with the Unknown.

Ok, now you’re caught up. This isn’t a pity party or a sob story. Those are all facts and events in my life. There are so many beautiful bits woven between those years but there has been A LOT of unknown and upheaval.

The truth is we never know how we are going to react to something, until it happens. 

For some of you reading this, this global pandemic may be your worst case scenario. Maybe it’s your first upheaval or maybe you feel like you just can’t catch a break. Maybe you lost your job, your children are out of school and now you have to scramble to come up with a plan, maybe your business or livelihood is insecure or your wedding or a big trip got cancelled. (My parents had to cancel their first visit to England since I’ve lived here, wedding dress shopping, Harry’s 30th. Disappointed is a understatement) You could  even be diagnosed with Corona Virus, in self isolation or have a loved one in that situation. You are allowed to feel angry, sad, confused, scared, disappointed or whatever emotion comes up. 

But guess what, you are also in control of how you respond to the unknown when it comes to managing your mind and how you move forward. If you are not ready to control YOUR personal controllables, if you want to stay stuck in obsessing over the news, the statistics, the supplies, the future, then you probably should stop reading this. Seriously…

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A Review of Veganuary and Dry January

Copy of How to get the perfect body

“BOTH? That’s brave.” This January I decided that I would do  Dry January which I have done for four or five years. No big deal (for me personally.) It’s a nice reset after extra holiday season celebrations. If you are considering doing Dry January or just challenging yourself to try a sober month read this. 

Along with the typical Dry January,  my fiancé and I also decided to try something new and commit to Veganuary which is a huge trend in the U.K. It’s just like what it sounds like, eating a fully vegan diet for the month of January.  I even got the chance to do a t.v. interview with Bristol TV about my experience click here to watch the segment! 

Many people try one or the other, but doing both I got a lot of side eyes and eyebrow raises. But you know I’m always up for a challenge. I also am passionate about the mindset first approach. Any type of short term challenge you partake in you should go into it looking at it as an experiment and not restriction. 

NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM RESTRICTION.

Nothing exciting comes from deprivation.

But an experiment… now we’re talking. 

I wanted to wait a little while after January to see what it was like to transition away from the plant based lifestyle but something surprising has happened… I haven’t. 

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Everything I learned in my twenties

It’s a new decade! Did you think by mid-January you would escape people saying this? Sorry not sorry.

It just so happens that this decade 2010-2019 actually aligns perfectly with my twenties. Your twenties are a decade so many people look back with adoration, regret, nostalgia and various amounts of shame and laughter.

I am technically still in my twenties for another five months, but to celebrate the end of the decade and the start of a new one I thought I would dive back into my blog with some reflection of what I learned during this adventurous chapter.

 I don’t claim to have all the answers about being a twenty-something in fact at my first counseling appointment of 2020 my counselor said, “It seems like the more you know about yourself, the more you don’t know” and I couldn’t agree more. 

I don’t want to share with you all my wins, triumphs and trips although I think it is impossible to share my lessons without giving you some context. 

Everything I learned in my twenties

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What I really think about England

Copy of How to Survive the Visa Process

Dear England,

One year ago I stepped off the plane at 1 am and stumbled my way into the long customs line. I was leaving my family and friends & the drawn out, stress filled visa process behind and spider monkey jumping into the arms of my goofy English man. I thought it was my happy ending or maybe my happy beginning.

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This was not my first international move, but my fourth. My fourth time choosing to start over in a new country.

This time felt different.

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How to Survive the Visa Process

How to Survive the visa process

A year ago today was one of the most emotional days of my entire life. 1 year and 48 hours prior, I received an email that I was waiting for four months. Four long months of being seperated from my partner in crime and the love of my life. Not by choice but because we were simply born in different countries and had different passports. I have to start by thanking everyone who supported us during that extremely difficult time in our lives. You kept me sane and I’m forever grateful.

On this email from the U.K. immigration office, it simply said that the decision for my visa application had been made, not what the decision was. I was staying at my childhood home visiting my parents until I got the decision. I had tracking on the package that contained the decision and my passport so I knew it was coming, I just didn’t know what time so I refreshed the app about 386 times that day.

My mom and I waited by the door the entire day peering out the windows for the UPS truck. I made her stand guard while I did my workout and showered. We took turns using the bathroom. We tried to watch cheesey rom coms to drown out our anxious thoughts but nothing was helping. I have never had so many butterflies in my stomach.

It was such a surreal experience when I saw the brown UPS truck park outside my house. I shot up from the couch and my mom had to catch me in her arms because my legs nearly gave out. I wasn’t sure if I could open it in front of my parents or what I would want to do. As soon as we got the package in the house, I barely remember what happened, the emotions and anticipation flooded my body.

My Dad opened the package for me with a letter opener and handed it to me without looking. My hands were shaking as I read the first line “You have been successfully granted your visa to the U.K…”  and burst into violent tears of joy. Straight up SOBBING.

“I GOT IT!!!!” I screamed eventually because my parents weren’t sure if they were happy or sad sobs. I immediately Facetimed my partner who was waiting for my call in England. I was still sobbing. I won’t lie, I’m a crier but I didn’t expect that reaction. He answered the phone and I was sobbing and within seconds I froze. He had no idea what was happening and thought I didn’t get it. I hung up and tried again and thankfully got a better connection. He was so relieved they were tears of joy. The stress and the build up of almost 2 years of international visa drama were over (for now), just like that with one UPS delivery.

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This all sounds very dramatic, trust me, it was. That’s why looking back a year later I can’t hardly believe that was our reality. When I was going through the process of applying for a partner visa in the U.K. I had no idea where to go to for advice and all I wanted was some personal experience. I couldn’t really find any blogs and all I wanted was someone who understood. It was so stressful it’s taken me a year to even be able to write about it. Every website had conflicting information and you had to pay a lot of money even to get an appointment to see if you wanted to potentially work with an immigration lawyer.

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Are you a victim of curated imperfection?

I don’t feel like myself.

Have you ever had a funk or a down period?

How often do you spend that funk comparing yourself to the biggest and brightest version of you that you know exists?

How much of what you share online is actually showing the authentic human experience you’re having right now?

Curated imperfection. What does that mean to you? I started to write this as an Instagram post and realized I had a lot more to say about this than I thought.

“Instagram is just a highlight reel” DUN*DUN*DUN* enter the dark evil twin.. CURATED IMPERFECTION.

What is this and why is it dangerous?

What does it mean for me personally and how am I going to try to combat it?

As much as the notion behind sharing more than just our highlight reel and letting followers have a glimpse at  our struggles is beautiful, it’s still a choice. A choice to show which part of the struggle we share. Often we share struggles in hindsight, talking about the trauma in childhood, past relationships or former jobs. I want you to show you I struggle just like you, but with a positive twist at the end too. Curated imperfection.

It’s much harder to share in real time. I believe it’s imperative to keep parts of our life private but I also can’t pretend that everything in my life is all positive-happy-fitness-travel all the time especially during weeks, like this week where I’m homesick, my mind is a mess, my schedule is crazy and my fitness is my sanity and release but still feels like a chore. I am struggling with my mental health and have broken in to tears multiple times this week(not just because of This is Us and Queer Eye but seriously, tear jerkers, am I right?)

But the flipside is, it’s all of our jobs to remember this about the beast of social media itself. That’s the point. It’s great to be real and share struggles but you get to decide what feels right for you and what sucky bits you want to air to the world.

It hard when it IS your job to INSPIRE.

What if you don’t feel inspiring?

Does that mean you don’t have to go to work today? Of course you do. Does that make you feel fake? How can you share the struggles authentically without being negative?

 It’s all of our individual jobs to stay immune to comparison-itis because otherwise social media won’t be the stimulating space of connection that it truly can be.

And when you already feel really low, I doubt your Instagram feed is going to be the place that gives you your ah-ha moment.

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WCW: Emily Millman

It’s the last month of 2018 and I have some catching up to do with my #WCW series. So for the month of December I am going to feature a new woman crush of mine every week! The Women Crush Wednesday hashtag and social media trend is nothing new. But I am trying to reclaim that title not just for half naked celebrities or women you actually know nothing about. The women I crush over are using their womenhood, their voice and their passions to make our world brighter. I have some incredible women in my life so I am honored to share them with you. I hope you find them as inspiring as I do.

Meet Emily.

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I know it’s not Wednesday but it is this very special lady’s birthday, so I thought what better time to celebrate her? Some may say I saved the best for last. Emily and I met through a travel Facebook group and after getting to know each other fitness came up and I asked her if she wanted to join my virtual bootcamp. She said she already had the program but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get involved with us! I was excited to have her energy and sass in our groups.

Over the last two years, I have mentored and coached Emily,  first on her fitness journey and now on both her fitness journey and her business. She is passionate, coachable, reliable, and a fiercely loyal friend. She is an awesome business partner. Despite me living on the other side of the pond, we have managed to hang out a lot this year and she keeps me on my toes and achieving in our business. We talk about changing the world and how much we love food in the same conversation. She takes me as I am but also inspires me to be BETTER. Whenever someone new enters our business, I always say, “Find yourself an Emily.” I’ll let her take it from here.

  1. What do you think makes a woman worth “crushing” over?

I crush over women who live their values and beliefs while following their dreams and supporting other women to do the same!

  1. What do you do for a living? What is the most challenging part about it?

I wear a couple of different hats! My background is as a nurse— I’ve worked intensive care, stepdown, and the emergency department; specifically as a travel nurse for the past few years. The most challenging part about nursing in general is the sad state of the healthcare industry in the United States… I got into nursing to help people, and it’s both heartbreaking and exhausting to watch the corporate system chew patients up and spit them back out, over and over. Fortunately, that’s not my only job!

My passion lies in my “side hustle” (recently turned full time focus!), which is health and fitness coaching! My goal is to help as many people as possible learn how to care for themselves in order to prevent the plethora of chronic illnesses that my patients have inflicted upon themselves with years of poor lifestyle choices. The most challenging part of coaching is also one of the best parts— I’m on my own schedule with no boss! That means that I have to be dedicated and disciplined, especially with the less glamorous tasks that aren’t fun!

  1. Who are three women that you look up to and have inspired you the most in your career/life?

My mama! She’s built an incredibly successful and respected private driver education business without a college degree or support, while also serving her community in a variety of ways. You— I had no idea I could feel so fulfilled building a business from my laptop! Anyone else who’s slaying at whatever they do— I try not to idolize people in order to avoid playing the comparison game.

  1. What is one topic you wish more women knew about on a global scale? Why?

Climate change. We need to get our act together, and quickly, if we want Earth to be around to host us much longer! There are SO many small changes that we can all make, and would have significant impact if everyone did their part!

  1. What advice do you give to women who feel that they are constantly surrounded by drama in their group of friends?

You are who you surround yourself with! I’m not saying drop the drama…. but maybe think about building yourself a new, drama-free circle that will support and empower you instead of stressing you out! I’ve found that I can impact the culture of my circle just leading by example— try it out! Disengage from the drama, and focus on positivity, it’s contagious.

  1. Do you believe being a strong woman with a passion for her career takes away from a woman’s ability to be a loving partner/mother/friend/sister?

Absolutely not— in fact I think that having passion for your career fills your cup to ENABLE you to be be a more loving partner/mother/friend/sister! You can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself, and I believe firmly that every individual needs their own “thing” separate from the closest people in their life.

  1. What is something you are really excited about currently in your own life?

If we’re going with the theory that excitement and anxiety are two sides of the same coin… going “full focus” with coaching! My husband enlisted in the army this year, and we’ve been separated since September while he’s been in training. In January, I’m picking up and moving myself and our pups to be close to him. As a travel nurse, finding an assignment shouldn’t be an issue, but apparently all of the hospitals near that army base are fully staffed, so I have the opportunity to focus on my business!

  1. Why is self love an important part of being a modern day woman?

There are SO many demands on you as a person today! It’s so easy to be torn apart by being pulled in a million different directions— practicing good self care in whatever way works for you is the only way to keep yourself whole!

  1. If you could have a lunch date with any woman on the planet, who would it be?

I don’t put many people up on a pedestal, to be honest! I’d be happy to have a lunch date with pretty much anyone who’s kind and interesting!

  1. How can anyone reading this keep up with you and what you’re doing in the future?

The best way to keep up with my adventures is on Instagram, @scrubs.squats.sass!

Bonus: What is one question you have for me?

I’m a lucky lady in the aspect that I get to pick your brain on the regular! A question for you…. would you rather never fly again, or have to sit with a very aggressive/mean/smelly seatmate who wouldn’t leave you alone for every single flight forever?

What a funny question. I would definitely choose the aggressive/men/smelly seatmate because I can’t imagine living in a world where I don’t fly! How would I see you? And my family? I could suck it up. Plus noise cancelling headphones would save my life. Traveling and new adventures is a passion we both share and one of our big goals in our business is to be able to spend substantial time in Bali in the future. Not to be dramatic, but to me, to travel is to live so a life without travel sounds pretty miserable to me.

Thank you for being you, Emily. It’s been a pleasure building our businesses together this year. I’ve seen you go through so much in your personal life and you never let it get you down. This woman right here wrote a letter to her husband at basic training every single day without fail even when we were on multiple vacations during that time. What.a.sweetie. I always knew that you would be an excellent coach and what do you know? I was right. I can’t wait to see what next year and the years to follow bring as I know this is only the beginning of something wonderful. Keep that sass, keep that hunger for excellence, keep that drive for preventative medicine, keep that goofiness, just keep being you because you are magic. Happy birthday my dear friend, the world is lucky to have you and so am I. You are definitely worth crushing over.

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Can you Thrive through the Holidays?

 

Can you Thrive Through the Holidays_

I wanted to write a holiday “survival”-esque blog post  based on the mental health check-in I did with my virtual wellness community. I saw a dramatic response that most people are struggling this time of year and not necessarily feeling merry and bright. So I took to the internet to see what others have done. Every article that I read for inspiration and research said how to “survive” the holidays. I understand that it is supposed to be a joyous time but also is a difficult time for a lot of people. But is that really the standard we want to set for ourselves? Merely surviving?

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There is often a battle happening inside of me. The darkness vs. the light. Usually the LIGHT wins. I’m not sure exactly what has programmed me to be this way but I know that my life and my holiday season is about much more than just surviving. Sometimes, some days, some seasons,  that is really all you can do. I completely understand that especially looking back to the days in my past I was full of grief and heartbreak. But I think to stay fixed in a mentality that surviving is what you are consistently doing is a serious disservice to yourself, others and our world as a whole.

I do want to give you some tips and reminders to take care of yourself just a little bit more this holiday season. If that means survival for your circumstance then that is what you can call it. But as I was watching another episode of Red Table Talk (if you haven’t watched head to Facebook right now and get on it) with Kid Cudi on mental health and a few things stuck out to me. Jada Pinkett Smith shared that sometimes all you can do is lean on something that “keeps your head above water.” I totally agree. But you can’t live there. You can’t stay there. She also said in the episode, “testimony is so much more powerful than advice.” I agree. So here is my testimony.

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Joking. Kinda. Here’s more of what helps me thrive…

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