The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly: First Backpacking Extravaganza

January 28, 2014April 7, 20151 Comment

I’m back! I promised I would return to the digital world after my backpacking adventure but had little idea of what that trip had in store for me. I also underestimated how draining it is to travel consistently for 3 weeks! I am still recovering! In some ways, I wish I could have kept up with the blog along the way but I think it is extremely important to actually experience and live in the moment while traveling as opposed to trying to document every single second. It is a more authentic style of traveling. I took notes as I went with hopes of remembering funny memories, interesting people and conversations and defining moments of the journey. I took tons of photos, but I can’t count the number of times we said “Pictures just don’t do this place justice.” The pictures pale in comparison to feeling the breeze on the long tail boat, the visions of crystal clear waters all around, or the magnitude of sensations and stimulation you feel walking through a crowded temple or a popular night market. I also think about all of the people I met along the way, their stories, and all the stories in the heads and hearts of people who will never write them down.
In hindsight, I now have a different philosophy about my trip and my blog and dare I say, life, in general. The most amazing part about traveling is the sensation of vulnerability, you never know what to expect next, whether it be good or bad, you can only control so much. There was both good and bad experiences on this backpacking trip, but each and every moment and memory is apart of me forever. I want to share my experiences, my photographs and my musings of what they taught me, but I have to admit I have started to feel possessive of my experiences. I feel as though I am transforming from an American 20 something, teacher from New York into a traveler. A traveler with an interesting story, background, a loving family and friends, a bucket list and most importantly dreams of what’s to come. Being a traveler, it’s like a club that you aren’t invited to. You become a part of it and it becomes a part of you. The best part of every single city, island, hostel, resort, bar, restaurant, temple, airport, bus station or street corner we visited was the fellow travelers I met along the way. There is an inexplicable fire in their eyes when they talk about where they’ve been and where they’re going. There is a desire to move, to see, to experience; that truly is like an infection that spreads. You can recognize it in someone else and you form a friendship, an unspoken bond and respect for the good left in the world and the individuals who choose to experience it.
Travelers do not simply exist, travelers are never satisfied with staying in the same place, but always appreciative of their surroundings. Travelers do not listen to what other people have to say about why they shouldn’t visit a certain country, its “too dangerous” or “too poor”. Of course we must all utilize caution while traveling, but if you too scared to step outside of the familiar, you might as well stay home. On my three week backpacking adventure I saw more than I can possibly condense into one blog post. I figured I would give you a list of places we visited and a few highlights of each location (both good, bad and ugly) because anyone who has traveled knows that it is not all as glamorous as pictures make it look. The bad and ugly are usually quite trivial things, but at the time, they are roadblocks or moments of true vulnerability. Once you learn to embrace all aspects of traveling, it frees you to enjoy the perks and discover the beauty in the hardships.

1. Chiang Mai
The good: 1. Sammy’s Organic Cooking School-learning how to cook all of my favorite Thai dishes from a lovely Thai couple using all fresh ingredients from their farm
2. New Years Eve at the Tae Pae gate with people, lanterns, and fireworks covering every square inch of the roads
3. Meeting a monk name Aye at a temple I haphazardly stumbled upon and hearing his take on life, Buddhism and happiness (One of those “life changing” moments that happened right before my eyes)
The bad: Getting lost with Jackie the first day with no idea what street our hostel was on or how to get there (No one else knew either) Made the best of it by shopping til we dropped & finding a sacared Mexican restaurant we visited 5 times in 7 days
The ugly: 12 hour bus ride to Bangkok (a bus that we searched the whole station 4 times over for) and lots of waiting in the airport (Jackie fell asleep across 4 chairs in the “Muslim Only” section LOL)

2. Ko Phi Phi:
The good: 1. Boat cruise around the island, visit to Maya Bay (where The Beach was filmed) & breathtaking private coves & beaches
2. Beach parties- Fire shows, mojitos, hookah, and LOTS of dancing with my girlfriends
3. Our splurge bungalow – the last night we decided to treat ourselves to a beautiful room after suffering in a new hostel every night. Well worth it!
The bad: Arriving at our hostel and immediately having to cancel our reservation due to the horrid conditions. Changing rooms EVERY single night of our 4 days on the island, Jackie loosing her phone (which was returned thank god) Shitty manicures & pedicures that chipped the NEXT day, already acquired two additional bags(not including huge backpack) we deem ourselves “The Worst Backpackers Ever”
The ugly: Throwing up the whole ferry ride to Ko Lanta(not due to being sea sick) having a Thai worker rub my back

4. Ko Lanta
The good: 1. Chill out House- Coolest hostel EVER- 3 story tree house run by a woman from California, bar. Restaurant, authentic bamboo tattoo shop within the hostel, So many genuinely interesting and friendly travelers
2. Snorkeling& trip to the Emerald Cave- awesome boat cruise to the Emerald Cave, had to swim through a dark cave and wind up in a totally enclosed beach within the island
3. Meeting up with my childhood friend- Sarah Jane, so great to see a friend who happened to be teaching yoga on the same island
The bad: Sickness for a majority of our traveling crew (4 out of 6) food poisoning, sinus infections, etc. , Boat cruise boat breaking down and having to be taxied in to shore by two other long tail boats
The ugly: Hangover of DEATH the first day in 95 degree weather in the outdoor tree house hostel… Barely saw the island the first day

5. Tonsai Beach, Krabi
The good: 1. Looked like Jurassic Park, a less crowded, super chill beach, my favorite spot of the trip (I think) Right next door to the popular West Railay beach ( If you are reading this KEEP IT QUIET, it would be a shame to see it turn into a tourist trap)
2. Kayaking around Krabi- great day! Watched rock climbers, visited caves & a few different beaches with the pack
3. Chill Out beach bar- our home base for the entire time on the island, amazing view, cool vibe, best bartenders (two goofy Thai men in their early 20’s) fire shows, good food & drinks
4. REAL COFFEE & Fabulous veggie burgers! (Two luxuries I totally miss from America)
The bad: Beach water was about two inches at low tide and couldn’t swim, at this point our backpacks were overflowing and we couldn’t find any of our belongings, sand covering every inch of us, our clothes, our room
The ugly: Electricity only worked from 6 p.m until 6 a.m and there was only one outlet in the room (three girls, one fan, no time or ability to charge our cell phones/ woke up feeling like we were in a sauna/disconnected from the world )

6. Ko Pha-Ngan
The good: 1. Hacienda Resort- great pool & swim up bar overlooking the ocean, fun atmosphere, and tasty restaurant two steps from our Bungalow, barely ventured off the resort the first few days
2. Jungle Party & Full Moon Party- once a lifetime experience of pure chaos on the beach, some of the weirdest and wildest parties I have ever been to
3. Amsterdam Bar- amazing spot with a very relaxed atmosphere and great view of the Gulf, great sunset with great new friends, lots of laughs
The bad: Ants everywhere in our bungalow (bathroom, bed, every place you can imagine), everything was overpriced since it was so touristy
The ugly: Lost our room key, lost/broken cellphones (not me, Thank goodness) missed our ferry, started to feel “ready to go home” & very drained

I hate to condense the richness of the journey in a simple list especially since I have developed a new feeling of animosity toward this popular blogging format that is infiltrating social media. A few of you will probably read that and laugh because I have bitched to you about it. Guilty as charged. I simply could go on talking about it forever and I want to give my followers, friends and family at least a taste of the experience. If anyone is interested in hearing more or visiting one of these places in Thailand, please let me know! I am happy to make suggestions and help you! The greatest part of the trip was how close I grew to my friends I was traveling with, the amazing people we met and how my outlook on the world changed. Usually, it is hard to pin point defining moments of life, especially if you take away arbitrary “life changing moments” like graduation from high school and college. Of course those moments changed my path and started new chapters, but I love traveling because you feel yourself changing in each passing moment. You absorb your surroundings and you float in and out of conversations with people from all different walks of life, whether it is a monk you meet a temple of a friendly English girl you meet in your tree house hostel. You proactively grow, change and appreciate the world around you. It is inspiring and addicting. It is fulfilling and surprising. It is uncertain and extremely intimidating at times, but then again, so is life. “ We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us”. Now, back to teaching and planning for the next trip (Thailand’s Summer Vacation), which is quickly approaching in March and April! Here we go again! Stay tuned! Cheers!

I’m dreaming of a Thai Christmas

December 26, 2013January 4, 2015Leave a comment

Thinking of the holidays brought about melancholy feelings. Paired with the loss of a good friend from college, I have been battling some serious sadness the past week or so. I honestly feel guilty when I feel sad in Thailand because I am so appreciative of my life here. I love my job, I love my students, I love my new friends who already feel like family, but I can’t help but think of my family and friends back at home especially during Christmas time. I think of those who have lost their loved ones, like my friend Steve’s family and all of our WVU friends and my friend Corey, her parents and our whole Bishop Ludden community. I feel blessed to be healthy and happy, even if I am on the other side of the world. I am happy to be alive, young, and too naïve or too wise to be jaded. I am also happy because I love Christmas. I love the decorations, the food, the cheer, the giving, the family time, the music, etc. I could keep going. I’m basically Buddy the Elf Junior!

Two years ago, I couldn’t imagine not sharing such a special day in the “traditional” way. But last year I got some practice in spending Christmas in a “non-traditional” way. I spent Christmas in Hawaii with my boyfriend and his family. It definitely was not traditional but it was still incredible. I will remember Christmas night at the Royal Hawaiian for the rest of my life. I sat with Yale, Izaak, Zach and Krista all dressed up and in awe of my surroundings. The scenery was breathtaking with palm trees and warmly lit lanterns everywhere. We went around sharing what we were thankful for this Christmas. Yale went first and I was blown away by his comments. He isn’t exactly the mushy, sentimental type but his words were so honest and heart felt he set the bar high. We each took a turn sharing and I realized in that moment that Christmas isn’t about where you are or how you celebrate. Christmas is different for every family. Some Christmas’ are fancy and over the top, some are spent working, some are spent overseas in the war, and sadly, some are spent alone. Christmas in the end is just one day. The real message and meaning behind Christmas is one that we should carry with us and remember all throughout the year.

Not only should we be grateful for what we have, but also we must remember that giving is truly the best manifestation of humanity that we possess. In the words of my good friend Dave Matthews, “When you give, you begin to live, you get the world, you get the world…” And giving doesn’t have to mean material objects and gifts. Giving your heart, your love, your laughter, your time, or your understanding is more meaningful than anything you can buy or wrap or make. As cheesy and cliché as it is, “the best things in life are free”, couldn’t be more true.

This year was probably the best Christmas of my life and oddly enough I was absolutely dreading it. I woke up at about 5:30am and opened three packages from my parents, my boyfriend and his family. I began to cry when I read my boyfriend’s Christmas card. I loved every single gift but the card was by far my favorite. He captured the meaning of our love and Christmas so well and I felt so proud because he does not enjoy expressing his emotions through words. He says that’s my job! Once I opened everything I went on a Facetime rampage talking to my parents, Yale & his family, and my brother & niece. I was so happy to talk to them and it made me feel like they were right there in my room with me. Since I know you are reading this right now, I love you all to the moon and back. Thanks for making me feel so loved.

When I got to school I was happy to see a huge Christmas assembly being set up! All the teachers from the Foreign language department were decked out in head to toe Christmas outfits from Santa Clause to reindeers, elves and everything in between. We belted out “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” even if it was terribly off key. Jackie and I spread Christmas cheer through our office and to our students by passing out Christmas cookies, candy and pencils! Then our friends who teach on the other side of our school (non-english program) invited us to come see the Christmas festivities they were putting on.

We jumped on the opportunity and stepped out of Thailand and straight into Santa’s workshop! There were decorations everywhere and even a whole classroom transformed into a pseudo photo booth with costumes and festive backgrounds to take pictures. Jackie & I spent a good thirty minutes in there with all the students taking hilarious pictures. As if the day couldn’t get any better we got to watch part of the talent show/Christmas singing competition put on by the students. It was so cute to see the Thai students singing and dancing to our traditional Christmas tunes. I initially was upset that we had to come to work on Christmas but I truly wouldn’t have had half as wonderful a day if it wasn’t for my school! After school we decided to keep up with our Insanity regime and burn off a few of those Christmas cookies we had for breakfast. Finally we ended our Christmas day by going out to dinner with our American crew of teachers. We had a little Chinese gift exchange, a bottle of wine (each haha) and tons of Thai food. It was delicious and hilarious and even though I was thousands of miles of miles away from my family, my home, and snow, I felt so merry, bright and Christmasy. We definitely celebrated in a non-traditional manner, but it reminded me that Christmas is a lot like life. You can’t try to confine and define it, you must accept it as it is and be grateful for what you have. Comparing your life or Christmas to a status quo is poisonous to their true meaning.

I can honestly say, I had one, if not THE best Christmas of my life even if it was 85 degrees, I had to work, I wasn’t with my family and I was in a predominately Buddhist country 14,000 miles from home. Thanks to technology I even got to see and speak to the most important people in my life. As much as our society depends and relies on technology and as much as I bitch and complain about technology taking over, today I am truly indebted to technology. I am so happy and blessed to have seen the smiling faces of my loved ones on Christmas. I am so happy to see their facial expressions, their Christmas trees, their eggnog, and their furry friends. I am so happy to hear them say “I love you”, hear their laughs and look into their eyes. If I could write a love letter to whoever created video communication I totally would. Thank you for making my Christmas complete!!

After a pep talk from one my best friends Krohl, I feel very inspired to write. His enthusiasm about reading my blog made my heart smile. I love to hear that you enjoy sharing my experience because it connects us even if we are worlds away. I hope that every one enjoyed their Christmas as much as I did. I hope you remember how lucky you are. I hope I never forget how happy I feel in this moment. Tomorrow I am leaving for a 3 week backpacking trip all over Thailand and I couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present to myself. I am going to write in good ol’ fashion journal for the extent of the trip and then update my blog when I return! Don’t forget about me while I take a break from the digital world 😉 I promise to have tons of adventure tales when I return! I hope we all carry the Christmas spirit with us today and always and remember giving, laughing and loving is the best medicine in the universe! Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! Cheers! ❤ xoxo

Little Frames of Life

December 12, 2013April 7, 2015Leave a comment

Today we had off from school in the middle of week for “Constitution Day”. We don’t have classes on Friday because of the Mini-Marathon(5K) happening that all of the students and some staff (including me) will participate in. Last week we had off on Thursday for the King’s birthday. The following week we have Thursday and Friday off for “English Program Camp”. If you are catching my drift, Thailand loves holidays, and so does this girl! I am not sure how someone could complain about having paid time off. Sometimes (especially now) it makes it hard to get through all of the material and review for midterms. But Mai Pen Rai (No worries) has truly become my mantra since moving here. I have two extremes to my personality, and one part of me wants to be in control and is super high strung but I am learning to love and embrace my more relaxed carefree persona since I am surrounded by an environment that not only expects that attitude but demands it. Thanksgiving was a huge success although vastly different than anything I would experience in America. Since Thanksgiving I have had so many wonderful trips. These include: a Chinese temple and Celestial Dragon village, humungous Sunflower fields and ancient temples in U thong, my first authentic Muay Thai match, and another amazing weekend in Kanchanaburi revisiting Erawan Falls and experiencing my favorite day so far in Thailand at Wat Pa Luangta Bua Yannasampanno Forest Monastery (Tiger Temple for short). I made a conscious effort to try to take more video footage of my trip from now on. I have many I would like to share but being new to the blogging universe I am not sure how to upload them into my blog. Advice would be greatly appreciated! They say “A picture is worth a thousand words” but I personally adore both. It’s so fun to capture little frames of life. But sometimes I think words paint a picture for each individual reader. On the other hand, I definitely agree, “ Variety is the spice of life”, hence the peek at my last few weeks through my camera lens. As my journey continues, everyday does not provide excitement and joy and somedays the excitement and joy is on OVERLOAD. Overall, the juice continues to be worth the squeeze. I hope you like what you see! RAWRRRRRR!

My Thai Thankstory

November 28, 2013January 4, 20151 Comment

I wanted to begin this post “ The root of travel and adventure is…” and then I typed about 50 different phrases and furiously deleted them. I am a very fluid style writer and I often do not change one thing until I reach the end. I couldn’t pin point the root or the heart of travel or adventure while simultaneously representing my infatuation with it. I ask you my fellow writers, readers, friends, family… what is the root of travel and adventure for you? Why do vastly different people love to travel so much? How do we seek new horizons but still value and nurture the people who helped us create our past?

If you asked me today, about adventure I would immediately think of my latest adventure to the tropical island of Ko Samet in the Gulf of Thailand. I would immediately feel thankful for adventure. My students went to “Scout Camp” last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday so I didn’t have any classes to teach. Our boss told us we still needed to report to school normally and use those days to plan. Mid-day Wednesday, he told us that we might get a holiday on Friday and possibly even Thursday after a brief staff meeting. Only in Thailand would a holiday from school be so nonchalant. In this instance, I was not complaining.

Next thing I know its Friday afternoon and I am on a bus to Ban Pae, a coastal town about 3 hours east of Bangkok. We booked a hostel there and would take the ferry to Ko Samet in the morning! Wait…what? I shit you not, this is how randomly this adventure came about. It was the best surprise ever. The second we left the dock and the ocean was all around me I began to consciously remind myself how lucky I was to be there. When you consciously remind yourself to be thankful proactively instead of retroactively it heightens your experience 10 fold. The weekend was full of sandy beaches, coconuts, whiskey, beer, snorkeling, boat rides, swimming in the ocean, hookah, wasabi pea eating contests, and relaxing on the beach. I was finishing up my latest read The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien. I love reading on the beach but finishing this emotional account of fictitious Vietnam stories made me feel guilty for how good I felt…young, free, and careless on the beach. But O’Brien’s words resonated with me,

““Stories are for joining the past to the future. Stories are for those late hours in the night when you can’t remember how you got from where you were to where you are. Stories are for eternity, when memory is erased, when there is nothing to remember except the story.”

I should not feel guilty for enjoying myself. I am honoring the stories from the past and making them a part of my present and future. I am writing stories of my own so that I can be a part of the future. That gives me an overwhelming sense of power and a duty to represent my generation, my family and myself in a positive and genuine manner. Hopefully this blog is my first step in doing just that!

We couldn’t have asked for more perfect weather all day Friday and all day Saturday on the island. But Sunday morning we woke up feeling fragile and facing a 40 minute monsoon…right at check out. No umbrellas, a few injuries from the weekend shenanigans made traveling 8 hours home seem like a punishment for how amazing our trip was. But nothing could take away the afterglow of island bliss. Thailand is simply amazing and Ko Samet reminded me how lucky I am to be a part of it.

This week at school has flown by and I have thoroughly enjoyed teaching my students about Thanksgiving. Jackie and I had them create hand turkeys and write five things they are thankful for. Of course we had to first teach them what turkeys were, Thanksgiving, and what thankful meant. Almost every single student wrote they were thankful for their teachers. The best part is that I actually believe them. One child’s hand turkey stands out to me, it was very typical at first but the last one through me for a loop, “my bed”. So simple, yet so heartbreaking, especially because I walk by shacks, apartments, store fronts every single day and see little children sleeping on the ground on paper-thin mats or wooden benches. I often create stories for them in my head, and carry them along with me as a travel. All apart of the things we carry. When you have very little, you are reminded what is truly important. You are reminded the abundance of people, luxuries, and experiences each and every one of us have to be thankful for.

Today is Thanksgiving Day in Thailand, I am at school and it feels like any typical day. My American friends and I made makeshift turkey treats to pass out to our office. We will watch Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with our ninth graders and will be teaching our 7^th graders the “Five Little Turkeys” song. We decided to have our own “Thanksgiving Dinner” tonight at one of our favorite local restaurants. We invited all of the American teachers that live in our apartment complex so it will make 12 of us. We will all bring wine and definitely will eat well (although we won’t have turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy or anything remotely close). I already informed the crew that we must go around and say what we are thankful for (Momma Sus comes out where ever I am). I set up Skype dates with my family at their Thanksgiving celebration and also my boyfriend’s family. Not only is it Thanksgiving but it is also my boyfriends birthday today (November 28). I want more than anything to squeeze him and take him out for celebrations but I have a surprise planned I hope he loves. I would do anything to make him feel how special he is to me and how thankful I am he is mine.

Being so far away at a time that is all about family, friends and togetherness is in no way easy but it truly is teaching me what the holiday is about. When I try to explain Thanksgiving to my students or my coworkers from Australia, Thailand and China I picture my Aunt Shelly’s house and everyone running around the kitchen drinking homemade beer and wine, laughing, dancing, and Aunt Shirl cooking up a storm. I hear my Noni’s Norwegian prayer swaying softly in my ears(even if we botch up the words). I can’t even think about how damn good the food tastes or I will slobber on my keyboard.

But most of all I tell them, it is a day to truly celebrate and appreciate everything you have, no matter if it is 10 feet in front of you, across a few continents or no longer in the physical world. My friends and family at home, I encourage you to be extra thankful this year for being able to celebrate with people you love… Don’t take for granted those precious moments with your siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, lovers and friends. Those moments are what Thanksgiving is about. Those moments are what life is about. Don’t let the hangover from TGE or the football distract from the essence of the celebration. Today (and everyday) I feel gratitude, I feel nostalgia, I feel love and I feel thankful.

I could travel the whole world 10 times over, but nothing can replace the bonds of love, support, laughter, and the feeling of home that the people I care about the most embody. For now I will take O’Brien’s advice, cling to the stories to link my heart and mind to the past and the future and I will take my own advice for the present and be thankful proactively instead of retroactively. It’s a good day to be an American, a Mountaineer, a Bell, a Donovan, a girlfriend, a friend, a traveler and a teacher, wherever you may be. Happy Birthday to “That Guy” I love the most & Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful you are a part of my story.

Aim to Travel, not to Tour

November 20, 20131 Comment

“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” ― Lao Tzu

The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.” ― G.K. Chesterton

“Real travel is not about the highlights with which you dazzle your friends once you’re home.It’s about the loneliness, the solitude, the evenings spent by yourself, pining to be somewhere else. Those are the moments of true value. You feel half proud of them and half ashamed and you hold them to your heart.”― Tahir Shah,

“Please be a traveler, not a tourist. Try new things, meet new people, and look beyond what’s right in front of you. Those are the keys to understanding this amazing world we live in.” ― Andrew Zimmern

I couldn’t write because I was traveling all weekend. What do you expect from a traveler’s blog! I have to live the moments before I can share them! A few drinks at Chaba turned into two bottles of whiskey on Friday night. Two bottles of whiskey definitely makes you feel happy, sad, funny, and weird. I woke up to a LOUD pounding on my door! I slept through my alarm and it was 3:40 am. Jackie was banging on my door. I threw random shit in my suitcase and went downstairs to the lobby. We were invited on a trip with a local Thai teacher, K from our school by our Australian couple friends, the kind of friends who have taken us under their wing since day one. ( I will use initials for privacy purposes) Unfortunately, A’s grandfather died and they had to go back to Australia and we were still signed up to go on this trip. I had never even met this woman before but Jackie and I decided we should still go! Mai Pen Rai!

Needless to say, we were extremely hung over and slept the entire five hour car ride to the town of Surin, known as the city of elephants. We got to experience this first hand because our first stop was an elephant show at the annual Elephant Festival. Not only did it not feel like real life because of the hangover/ side effects from the whiskey extravaganza, it also was like something out of a movie. There were hundreds of elephants all around of all shapes and sizes. We were late for the show but as soon as we got into our seats I knew it was going to be a treat. The elephants performed tricks and acted out scenes from ancient Thai history such as battles and ritual ceremonies. There were traditional Thai dancers and crazy men who jumped from elephant to elephant while a huge herd was moving. The announcer asked for volunteers and Jackie and I instinctively sprinted onto the field. We got to play tug of war with the elephants. It was hilarious and comical as we sprinted across the large stadiums field. In my drunken stupor, I forgot to pack one essential thing that a woman should bring everywhere… a bra. I am sure the Thai people were watching more than just the elephant show as we ran onto the field. I was so impressed by the amount of Thai people in attendance and it seemed like something that both foreigners and locals could enjoy. After about four hours of the elephant show we were hungry, sweaty, and tired.

We knew that we would be staying at our Thai teacher’s sisters house. When we arrived we were amazed by the size and beauty of the home! It was so authentic looking and there was a huge table outside with a feast prepared! We sat down with the whole family and began to eat. I felt extremely guilty. I could only say hello, my name, thank you, delicious, and I’m full. These people so graciously welcomed us into their home and it is embarrassing to not be able to communicate with them. They understand that we just got here, and the language is difficult to pick up but still, it is hard to accept that you can’t communicate with people who are being so kind and generous. Luckily, K’s daughter and friend came along for the trip and they both spoke good English and helped translate for us all weekend! We would have been lost without them. After a much needed slumber, we awoke and got ready for round two of the Elephant festival. We went on our second elephant ride in Thailand but this time it wasn’t on a camp, it was on the actual streets of the town with cars, motorbikes and bicycles whizzing by. It is comical to see how normal it is to everyone around us.

Then we were in for a surprise… K told us that we were going to a dinner party with about 40 of her friends. Wow! That’s a lot of friends! About five minutes after arriving at the restaurant we realize this wasn’t just a dinner, but it was a 20th high school reunion with K and all her classmates. Not only were we out of place because we were Americans but also we were the youngest people there by about 30 years. We awkwardly feasted and drank as they went around the room and introduced themselves. And then began the karaoke…. Thai people LOVE karaoke…. And they sang for hours. They got us up and dancing a few times but we were absolutely exhausted from the night before, the trip and the food coma. We were so happy to be welcomed into their culture and their celebration but we could not fight our heavy eyelids.

The next morning we awoke to about 10 people staying at the house. We couldn’t tell who lived there, who was visiting or how anyone was related. Seriously, every day is a lesson in going with the flow. K asked us if we wanted to go to Cambodia for the day… We explained to her that we didn’t have a reentry permit on this visa and that idea quickly fizzled. Her sister prepared another FEAST for breakfast. This food coma trend continued all weekend. We packed up and said our goodbyes.

On the road again…to Phanom Rung Historical Park in the nearby Chaloem Phra Kiat district. In this park we visited Prasat Phanom Rung, the Hindu religious sanctuary constructed on an extinct volcano between 11^th-12^th century AD. The steps were so steep, but each view was more spectacular than the next. The castle like structure was all made out of stone and the carvings were so intricate and interesting you could spend hours just staring at it. We were grateful because this seemed like a place that we would never go if a local didn’t take us. We patted ourselves on the back for truly being “travelers” instead of tourists.

We wanted to making home in time to celebrate the famous Thai festival, Loi Krathong! This festival is designed for the people to say sorry to the spirit of the river for polluting it and using it for everything from washing to cooking. The Thai people send off flower arrangements with candles and often bread on the river to pay their respects. Not only do they release these offerings but also it is traditional to release wish lanterns into the night sky. We arrived back in Suphanburi around 7 pm and rushed to make it to the river to join in the festivities. In some areas of Thailand it is much more organized, but here people begin celebrating as soon as the night falls and continue all night. Despite how beautiful it looks… our experience with Loi Krathong wasn’t exactly the magic we expected. We had trouble finding the river and couldn’t seem to find anyone who knew the English word… When we finally got there we bought our lanterns but we didn’t have a lighter… We patiently waited watching the locals send their lanterns off. Jackie and I each bought a lantern so we could light them one at a time and snap some shots of us sending them. Unfortunately, we both got assistance from locals at the same time and didn’t know how to explain we wanted to wait. Next thing I know I look over and Jackie’s lantern is completely engulfed in flames and she is panicking. I screamed to her, “THROW IT IN THE RIVER!” She nearly burned a small child and we were both stunned. I still was trying to light mine and with lots of help I thought that we could have one success story. When we finally let it go, the lantern started careening downward towards to river and landed right in the water. It tipped over quickly so it had no chance of rising again. These are supposed to represent your wishes for love and life and luck… clearly we are amateurs. I am glad I am not superstitious or I would have been very disappointed. Mai Pen Rai.

So, when all else fails… get in a tuk-tuk and go to Chaba (our local café that both has amazing food, live music, and a fun atmosphere). Nothing some quality time with your friend, som tom (spicy papaya salad) and some Singha (beer) can’t fix. Being a traveler is not always easy and glamorous. Being a traveler is definitely not for those with OCD. Being a traveler is about the experience, living in the moment and taking everything with a grain of salt. Mai Pen Rai. In the end, I will look back and know that the juice was worth the squeeze.

The Most Beautiful People

November 18, 2013January 4, 20151 Comment

Since my last post I have been busy teaching, binge watching Orange is the New Black, picking up a new workout and hobby (Muay Thai) and traveling. I realized I only wrote a draft for this but never posted it, so I will post two in a row to make things less confusing. I love my blog but I also love writing for myself. Blogs can be for yourself but I believe when you write with the knowledge that you have an audience you subconsciously change the way you present your thoughts and emotions. Some thoughts and emotions of this journey I have to hash out on my own…

Jackie and I decided to explore Suphanburi again for a weekend. Teaching is extremely draining and we don’t want to wear ourselves out by pushing ourselves to explore too much, too soon. The last few weeks were all about getting back into a routine healthy lifestyle that I have somewhat neglected in my adjustment to this new world. I am an avid runner and gym-goer who enjoys eating a healthy diet with occasional splurges. I loved to cook for myself back in the US, so eating out every night was a huge adjustment. I also have been warned by just about every person I talk to that I should never run alone here, so that kind of cancels running out of the equation. Luckily, there are many alternatives to explore. I have been going to yoga class with foreign teachers from my school twice a week and I have started up the Insanity dvds (once again). I swear it is an addiction…

One day on the songtow (mini bus) on my way to yoga, a young Thai girl asked me where I was going in an extremely Western sounding accent. Surprised, I told her I was going to yoga class and she asked if Jackie and I were interested in coming to Muay Thai class instead. Without hesitation… we both replied, “Sure!” Our impulsive attitudes are a great asset to traveling (but sometimes a burden to our bank accounts 😉 ) Muay Thai is martial arts/boxing style fighting that is famous all over Thailand and the world. It was extremely awkward walking into a huge open gym with dozens of half naked Thai children in silky high waisted boxing shorts.

The young girl explained to us that she studied abroad in the US two years ago (explained her impeccable English) and that she would translate for us. The Muay Thai instructor spoke very little English but he was very excited to have us there and paid a lot of attention to us throughout the workout. We worked on kicking, kneeing, elbows, push ups, sit ups and a variety of moves and by the end we felt tired, sweaty and accomplished. He invited us back whenever we want and we have already been again a few times! It is a great workout and despite the stares burning through us as we awkwardly attempt the moves, it is a lot of fun too! Plus… it’s free… which is a great thing no matter what country or continent you are on. I love working out and anything that makes you sweat. I love the challenge and I love endorphins. I am addicted to the way I feel after a great workout, no matter what that workout may be. I am so excited to have a variety of options to keep me active and release my hyperactive energy in a positive form.

School remains exciting and challenging everyday. Everyday I realize things about my students and about teaching EFL that I didn’t know the day before. It is frustrating but it is also motivating to discover the most affective ways to help our students better not only their English but also their lives! I enjoy the fact that my job is like a constant riddle or puzzle, which takes tons of patience, creativity, resilience and thinking to be successful. I feel stimulated by this task that others may find daunting. That’s how I know that teaching is the right job for me! I depend on my kids just as much as they depend on me. They are my constant in this new adventure and they give me purpose when I feel like a lonely traveler, when I miss home, when I struggle to maintain my old life and embrace my new one.

In today’s society we expect instant gratification for every aspect of life. We expect every question to have an answer that we can find from a quick Google search. We expect to understand our culture shock and moving away from the ones we love and care about the most. We expect for long distance love to be hard but we don’t really know how hard it will be. Life is messy, human beings are complex, no matter how much the world around us changes and advances, our minds and our hearts are primitive. Our pain is raw. Our love is powerful. Our sadness prevails. Our kindness prevails. Human beings and their emotions don’t fit into the Google search page. I wish I could read a book, “What to do when your life changes” but no advice in the world could prepare me for the emotional roller coaster that I have been on in this fresh chapter of my life. One day at a time… That is the only way to tackle this beast. You can’t break down the world’s wicked ways no matter how hard you try. Some days simply breathing should be enough to be grateful for. Now matter how hard I try, I know I can’t fix everything all at once, but I can fix the way I allow it to affect me. I can let it drive me to be better: more compassionate, gentle, and mindful. Every single person fights their own battles and it only is easier if we lean on each other when we cannot stand on our own.Human beings hate being vulnerable but vulnerability is an exceptional part of being a human being.

For someone who loves to help and give advice to friends and family, it is difficult to admit I don’t have the answers or even the right questions. It is difficult to admit my utter vulnerability but I can’t escape it and I am doing the best I can. “Even if things get heavy, we’ll all float on okay…”

“If you look closely at a tree you’ll notice it’s knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully. ” Matthew Fox

“It’s not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing—they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.” Stephen Fry

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. “ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

The Little Things

November 6, 2013November 7, 20135 Comments

“Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are.”- G. Eliot

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.”-M. Buber

“If you hold on tight to what you think is your thing you may find you’re missing all the rest”- DMB

“ The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.”-Euripides

I believe the best writers find comfort in words, whether they are their own words or someone else’s. The best writers can acknowledge the process and the product and allow for both to inspire them. I felt drawn to these quotes today and admit that they simply and eloquently depict the image I hope to convey with my post. Hats off to these writers!

Slowly but surely, I am adjusting to my new life in Thailand. I am quickly forming routines, local restaurants and coffee shops I frequent, and new friends. Teaching is beginning to dictate my bedtime and it feels good to form a “normal” schedule. Then… some moments I look around and it hits me “Holy shit… I live in Thailand.” Since my last post I have explored around my town of Suphanburi and found new cafes, bars, friends, swimming pools that I plan to visit again and again. Despite the urge to travel to a new city or place every single weekend; it feels nice to plant some temporary roots and embrace the city I will call home for the next year.

Today I received a package from my parents with various necessities I requested. Just seeing the note with my mom’s handwriting on it made my heart smile. When I describe my feelings, I never want to be cliché, but I have started to see the true power and authenticity of certain cliché sayings in a new light. “It’s the little things.” We have all heard that phrase a million times, but being a foreigner on the other side of the world teaches you this cliché in an elevated manner. It’s the little things you miss about home, about loved ones, about “normal” life but it is also the little things about my new surroundings that excite me, challenge me and inspire me. I appreciate the people in my life and the luxuries that I took for granted every day, like internet (especially WIFI), cable, menus in English, toilet paper, hand dryers, and the ease of everyday communication. But I also appreciate the respect I receive here, the flowers I got to welcome me to my school, the laid back lifestyle and the incredible generosity of strangers.

When everything is different, it forces you to grow, to adapt, to change but it also leaves you craving the familiar and reminiscing about places, people and memories that you love. Each day is a spastic balance of soaking up the adventure, living in the moment and missing friends, family, and especially my boyfriend. I hope each of you know how much you are on my mind, even though we can’t talk as much as I would like. To truly find ourselves, we can’t cling to the familiar. We must trust in those we love and remember they will love us just the same, whether we are near or far. I have learned to embrace the roller coaster of emotions that run through me in a given day. They are there for a reason and to truly live, we must feel. It doesn’t matter if it is cheerful, gloomy, frustrated, scared, amazed, nostalgic, angry, excited or goofy. If we are feeling…we are living.

Luckily, I have the stability of teaching to keep me level headed. Jackie and I have discussed how the place that we feel the most at “home” is at our school. Teaching, learning, laughing, thinking, writing lesson plans, and grading; these are all familiar to us. The students in Thailand (as a whole) are much different than any students I had in America. They seem genuinely happy every single day. I am not sure if this is how they actually feel, but it is the energy they give off. I can’t help but smile when I get to school and am greeted by each and every one of my students as I pass them. Most American students were too cool to talk to teachers in the hallway and would pretend not to see you. Being an ESL/EFL teacher has proven to be increasingly frustrating as time goes on and I am realizing that it is extremely hard to understand what they comprehend and what they are politely nodding to (despite having no clue what is going on). Thankfully, I have found amazing resources in veteran ESL teachers at my school, online ESL/EFL games, lesson plans, songs, videos, etc. I know that if I give my best, there is nothing more anyone can ask of me.

Teaching and learning is the essence of my journey. Yes, I am literally a teacher, but I am also a student. Thailand, along with each person I meet here, is teaching me things about human nature, life, and myself. I am continuously learning, which is exhilarating and exhausting. But I must remind myself, it is up to me which of those feelings dictate my experience. I choose to live. I choose to feel. I choose exhilarating, beautiful adventure.

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful,

we must carry it with us or we find it not.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cherish Every Day

October 31, 2013January 4, 20153 Comments

Happy Halloween from Thailand! Although fall is one of my favorite seasons with all of the fun festive activities and (usually) cooler weather, fall also brings back some of the hardest memories and ones that are the closest to my heart. Yesterday was the seven-year anniversary of my best friend Corey’s death. I was only 15 and in 11^th grade when it happened and it turned my whole world upside down. My group of friends, classmates and community went through more grief than anyone should ever have to face. Thankfully, we came out stronger in the end and I know that because of Corey’s life and legacy I am more compassionate, understanding, selfless, and I especially have learned to “Cherish Every Day”. If I am having a bad day or being pessimistic I have a tattoo to remind me with that simple poignant phrase and Corey’s initials.

Since most of my friends and family are on the east coast of the States, I began to experience October 30^th before anyone else. Seven years may seem like a long time, but just seeing that date on the calendar turns my stomach into knots. I try to remember her beautiful smile, laugh, goofy personality, and our countless inside jokes but the date brings me back to that dreadful day in 2006 and I relive each step of it. Now, it feels more like a bad dream than anything else. The day has a hazy quality to it and most of the experiences feel as if they were in slow motion. I also feel like my memories of the day are not from my perspective but rather from an outsider looking in on myself. I remind myself to be positive and know whole-heartedly that her spirit is always with me, but I think it is important to remember the pain.

Pain is unfortunately one of life’s greatest teachers and without it we cannot appreciate the good in life and we cannot change. The pain I felt after loosing my dear friend has guided me and given me purpose in life. Her belief in me while she was here on earth has not diminished. I feel her spirit pushing me to help others, to listen, to talk and give advice, and to be open to what life has to offer me. I received a voicemail from her the night before she died and one line rings in my ears, “You have so much potential, don’t waste it”. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper, and sometimes it is an angry shout. For most, this isn’t groundbreaking advice and may be words you’ve heard before, but to me…they are a final message of encouragement and obligation to someone who I love very much.

My day at school yesterday was quite normal. After school Jackie and I went shopping and exploring in our town. We ventured to our local shopping mall where nearly everything is written or spoken in Thai. As we walked past one store I did a double take (why I don’t know) and saw a small sign over a display of shoes, the only English letters or words in sight “CMC”, Corey’s initials. I smiled and lingered for a second just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I felt at ease the rest of the day knowing that Corey will follow me wherever I choose to explore. Seven years ago my three best friends and I chose to read this E.E. Cummings poem at Corey’s funeral, and have it engraved on special necklaces that we all have. The words gave us so much comfort then and for me, even more so now. Corey lives on in the hearts of all that she met and even many who never knew her but were touched by her story. If you know Corey, I hope you find comfort in these words and purpose in her honor. If you don’t I hope you are reminded of the power of kindness, the vulnerability of human beings, the reality of mental illness and the everlasting quality of the human spirit. All that we touch and see in this world, and especially the people we meet, should be cherished, nurtured and celebrated. I intend to do just that.

i carry your heart with me BY E.E. CUMMINGS

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Whiskey, White girls and Waterfalls

October 29, 2013January 4, 2015Leave a comment

This weekend was one for the books! It began with a ridiculous series of events that is too funny not to share. If you are following my blog and you don’t know me, you’ll realize quickly I LOVE TO TALK. I try to be concise.. but there is just SO much to SAY! (LOL bringing you back to Miami/all of college friends?). The group of American teachers at our school (five of us) planned a weekend trip to the neighboring town Kanchanburi to visit the famous Erawan National Park to go hiking and swimming in the 7-tier waterfall. Three of the girls knew each other from home and also had other American friends who went through our same program. When it was all said and done we rounded up TEN American girls to go on this trip. Ten young attractive American girls are gawked at in the US…just imagine how ridiculous we look parading around Thailand together.

We planned to leave Friday after school and take the bus to Kanchanburi. We were told those buses run every hour or half hour and our research foolishly stopped there. Everything is so relaxed and “fly by the seat of your pants” here, it is often more stressful to try to make stringent plans then it is to just go with the flow. We met in the lobby of our apartment building and headed out for the bus station. One Tuk-tuk was outside so we spilt up and told the girls we would meet them at the bus station. Little did we know, a student from the English Program would come to our rescue! She saw us floundering trying to remember the words for “bus station” and communicate in broken Thai to the tuk-tuk driver. She offered the remaining girls a ride from her grandmother. This is where the confusion set in… We got a call from the other girls on the tuk-tuk telling us they just chased down the FINAL bus to Kanchanburi that already departed from the bus stop. Apparently chasing down buses is acceptable here… Only in Thailand…. They tried to make the bus wait but couldn’t communicate with the driver. We gave up and decided to go back to our apartment and figure it out… But our friendly Thai student would not give up that easily. She did everything in her power and found us a personal shuttle that her family member drove us to Kanchanburi in (about an 1:30 minutes away). She even came along with us for the ride and gave us Thai lessons on the way. As my friend said, “I’m just overcome by the beer and the kindness”. Thai culture is the closest thing to altruism I have ever seen. They are so kind, not because they have to be, because that is simply how they are. We arrived safely in Kanchanburi and headed to our hotel, which actually was a floating raft house on the river. SO COOL! Then we saw the cockroach party in the bathroom…and decided we would book the regular hotel rooms from now on…

We explored the town, ate, drank, smoked some Hookah, then realized that all the bars were closed and went home. The head Monk in Thailand died last week and the country will be in a “state of mourning” for the next 15 days. We were asked to wear black and white to school and bars close their doors extremely early out of respect. It is refreshing to see how much loyalty and honor their society has for the people in power. The next morning we got an early start and headed to Erawan National Park. After a long and bumpy bus ride, we began hiking up the huge mountain. The Erawan Waterfall is impossible to describe in words. It is seven separate specular, unique waterfalls. There is a trial that leads up the mountain and you can stop and swim in whichever falls you would like. It was like jumping face first into “The Jungle Book”. We were determined to make it to the top and make it back down in time for the last bus. This was a difficult task with 10 American girls, stopping for photo ops or snacks, swimming and watching the fierce monkeys swing in the trees. I honestly can say it was one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. Well worth the trip.

Once we made it back to the center city we went out for a night of eating, celebrating, chatting, TEQULIA, whisky and hookah. I ordered one of the best meals I have had in Thailand and savored every bite since it was 230 Baht (typical meal is around 100 BAHT). I feel so lucky to have stumbled upon a mini American white girl army to make me feel at home and accompany me on my adventures. My friend Christine and I stayed at the local bar chatting, arm wrestling, smoking hookah until the sky started turning light again. The owner of the bar, a young Thai woman cooked the late night crew a huge pot of spicy noodles and we fought over them like the street dogs. We met friends from Thailand, England, Spain, and the West coast of the US. We all had music in common, a love for traveling and SANOOK (fun). Once you start traveling, you realize the cliché saying being “bit by the travel bug” is extremely factual. Adventure is contagious. Kindness is contagious. The world is so big and there is so much to see. The journey home to Suphanburi the next day was long and hot but the memories were well worth it. The fact that Suphanburi already feels like “home” after a weekend trip reminds me how quickly human beings can adjust and grow. The adventure continues…. XOXO

Gratitude Attitude

October 21, 2013April 7, 20153 Comments

Today is my first day at my new school Sa-nguan Ying (English Program). I am so happy with my school, my co-workers and my students. It is nice to be teaching again after a long period of vacation in the United States and in Thailand! Since my last post so much has happened. I have been in Thailand for over a week and I am continuously surprised, frustrated, excited and challenged. Our orientation group left Bangkok last Thursday and went for an overnight trip to the rural town of Katchanburi. Our hotel was resort style and the view and grounds were spectacular. We visited the River Kwai bridge,took a sunset dinner cruise(which turned into a monsoon dance party),rafted down the Kwai River and explored Taweechai Elephant Camp. I got to ride an elephant, watch an elephant show and take priceless photos. After lunch orientation came to an end and I had to say goodbye to many friends who will be teaching all over Thailand. “Chok dee ka” to you all!!

Four other American women and I got into our van marked “Sa-nguan Ying”, met our coordinator and found out that we would be going to visit our new school…RIGHT NOW! Mind you, we didn’t have a moment to shower after the rafting and elephant ride… Not the best first impression. Butterflies filled my stomach as we drove through the luscious green fields that make up rural Thailand. The girls and I anxiously chattered and giggled the whole time. When I arrived at my school I felt ecstatic, relieved, and eager. The campus is beautiful and the staff is more than willing and able to help the new “farang” teachers.

Finally we arrived at our apartment, which is literally within 3 minutes walking distance of our school. I received my key and charged to the elevator fumbling over my suitcase. I arrived on the fourth floor and walked into the most shocking moment of helplessness since arriving in Thailand. The numbers were in THAI!! I wandered aimlessly from door to door trying my key on a few of them. I felt frustrated, isolated and exhausted. Luckily our coordinator followed us upstairs shortly after and led us to the right door. My feeling of helplessness subsided due to the incredibly welcoming atmosphere that my school and Thailand in general continuously offer to me. I am so grateful for my accommodations especially compared to some friends I have talked to that are in different parts of the country. After moving in the next few days have been a whirlwind of trying new places, exploring, getting lost, trying desperately to speak some form of Thai, shopping, eating, drinking and soaking up my surroundings. The fluidity of my feelings is astounding! One minute I am frustrated and the next I am delighted.

I feel extremely safe despite feeling like an alien. I am already used to being stared at with not even a hint of subtlety. I am overwhelmed by the feeling of gratitude for my fellow teachers who have helped me get around, my partner in crime Jackie, and my loved ones who are cheering me on every step of the way. Coincidently my partner in crime for this adventure has also become my partner in crime in the classroom. Jackie and I found out that we would be team teaching upon arrival at our school. It was surprising but we both embraced the idea with open arms. Two heads are always better than one. I feel appreciated by my students already due to the polite “ GOOD MORNING TEACHA” at the beginning of each class and the “THANK YOU TEACHA” at the end. So refreshing. I think I’ll shout to this country “GOOD MORNING THAILAND” and “THANK YOU THAILAND” before bed to practice gratitude. I can only hope I feel this inspired for the extent of my journey.