Tag: lifestyle

What happens when you unexpectedly have to change your entire life?

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28 days…My boyfriend and I walked out of the hearing room and looked at each other with half relief, half sadness, and a tiny bit of sparkle in our eyes. After a series of unfortunate events and being deceived by his previous employer we knew that his 457 sponsorship visa to stay in Australia was not going to go through. We applied in April of 2016 so basically half of our relationship we have been waiting for the outcome of this visa. We prepared ourselves for them saying we had to leave but actually knowing you have 28 days to leave the entire little life you built together behind is quite terrifying once you receive the email of doom.

Instead of dwelling on the logistics, like the apartment we need to sublet, the furniture we need to sell, jobs we have to resign from, accounts we have to close, flights we need to book, (OMG, my to do list is endless right now) I’m taking a different approach this time. Usually, I would freak out- cry, let my anxiety get all out of whack and take control, be a moody brat to my boyfriend, feel sorry for myself, but this time, I decided to take control. Here is my video announcement of the news.

After announcing our news and getting an outpouring of love and support I couldn’t help but feel grateful. Many people were impressed with how positive I was being. People even expressed confusion by my positivity. How? How can you stay so positive?

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Should you stop drinking for 30 days?

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Dry January has become a pretty trendy health kick in the past few years. For the second year in a row my boyfriend and I decided to give it a try. Being an expat away from your family on the holidays usually calls for an excess amount of alcohol and parties to make up for it. Okay, let’s be real, being a millennial on planet earth usually calls for an excess amount of alcohol and parties. This year I definitely kept it in check much better than previous holiday binge months, but I still woke up on December 31st feeling ready to get back to my healthy ways. If you don’t have time to read this or you want some more details from my experience check out my vlog about this topic here.

Have you ever tried Dry January? What about giving up alcohol on purpose for an extended period of time? If you think.. “I don’t need to do that” or “I could never do that” then those are two warning signs you definitely do. Here’s a closer look at my experience and why you should give it a try.

Physical benefits– Personally I experienced much clearer skin, an increase in energy, a huge improvement in my sleeping pattern, more strength to push myself in my workouts and what I assume was some weight loss (I don’t have a scale.) When you aren’t drinking and hungover you can keep up with your fitness and nutrition goals much easier.  I don’t know about you but I’m not signing up for yoga class and eating a kale salad if I was out until 1 am drinking tequila. I’m not saying 30 days without alcohol will do all this for you but all of these benefits have been agreed upon by most who have given up alcohol for an extended period of time. You definitely aren’t hurting yourself physically.

Mental benefits– As someone who suffers from anxiety and ADHD, when I am hungover my anxiety and ADHD skyrocket. I feel guilty and nervous about the fact that I can’t complete my to do list, household chores and sometimes even get out of bed. 30 days without alcohol left me feeling like a much less scatterbrained version of myself. I felt very  positive and motivated and didn’t feel the “brain fog” that you often experience after a big night on the town. I feel like my thoughts quickly sharpened and I was better at making decisions.

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Why you should meet strangers on the Internet

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The digital world can never replace in person interaction, connection and experiences. Life behind a computer screen can cause a lot of issues including comparison, unworthiness, and a feeling of “connection” but ultimately isolation. Then why would I tell you to talk to strangers on the Internet? Because in the past year and a half I have stumbled upon a few interweb connections that have changed my life and I want you to at least give it a shot. Here’s why:

You just moved to a new city- When you move to a new city, especially on your own (without a job or a place to live, wait is that just me?) your main concern should be finding a job and a place to live. If you are moving/ traveling abroad this might land you in a hostel where you could meet awesome people, (I met the love of my life) but you also meet a lot of people who are sleeping until 2 pm, partying all night, and complaining they can’t find a job. Let’s just say not the ideal crowd. If you stick to those friends you meet at the bar, you might not have the most motivated, positive, uplifting group surrounding you. CHOOSE your tribe wisely, don’t stumble into them.

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You can find out about events that peak your interest– Last year I found out about an awesome festival called Rad Livin on Instagram. It was full of inspiring stories from young creatives, live music, pizza, donuts and rad people. Their Instagram account followed me so I checked it out and it sounded like it was made for me. I couldn’t get any of my friends to join so I went alone and I made such cool friends and connections. Still time to go this year if it sounds like something you would like, just click this. I also attended many events in Sydney thanks to social media including Nike Training Tour, World Yoga Day Festival and Taste of Sydney. Cool events usually equal cool people and experiences are always worth the ticket price!

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How to make 2017 your best year yet

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It’s been a week long series of the 2016 collection. I hope this week brought you some insight, inspiration and friendly reminders to find what makes you happy, treat your body right and never stop exploring the world around you.

As we kick off 2017 one of my goals is to take my blog to the next level. I’ve had this blog for 3 years now. It started as a minor project, a simple way to keep in touch with friends and family when I moved to Thailand. I had no idea what the course of these next 3 years would be;  how deeply I would fall in love with traveling and sharing my storying, and that I would ultimately move from Thailand to New York and down under to Australia. In the past 3 years I have had my heartbroken and found myself in the aftermath, started my own business, taught 3 different aged students in 3 different countries, fallen in love, met hundreds of new and inspiring souls, went skydiving(twice) , conquered my fear by scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef, traveled to five countries, backpacked all around South East Asia and Australia, been published on one of my favorite websites, grew my passion for exercise, yoga, writing and helping people, welcomed my nephew into the world, fallen in love with myself again and again and most importantly felt more alive than I ever have in my life.

 

In 2017, I want to shift my focus a bit, I still plan to keep you up to date with my journey and sharing my story but I want to help you to write your own. Maybe that’s in the traditional sense of starting a gratitude journal or your own blog or maybe that’s just getting in touch with where you’ve been, where you are, and where you are going. My focus this year is helping YOU grow. I’ve started my first newsletter to give a monthly bonus to subscribers plus special freebies, offers, advice, etc. Make sure you subscribe to stay up to date! I will reserve special content for the newsletter but it will always fit in with the theme of the blog posts happening that month!

So, in honor of January and goal setting- let’s get your year off on the right track.  Resolutions have a negative connotation because so many people set them and forget them or people say things they think they should change but don’t really feel invested in. I am not sure if you are familiar with the term “S.M.A.R.T goals” but I would love to give the quick and dirty refresh.

Goals need to be S.M.A.R.T for them to work

S- Specific (what exactly will you do)

M- Measurable (how will you know you have reached the goal)

A- Achievable (something that can be done)

R- Realistic (Is this too big? Can I really do it?)

T- Timely (when will I do this by)

So instead of saying “I need to get in shape” try making a SMART Soul Solution- “I will improve my health by exercising four times per week every week. I will measure my success by the amount of inches I lose and how my clothes fit. I will  mark on the calendar when I workout and check in with myself every month and make sure I’m sticking to my goal.”

 

YOU CAN CHANGE! We all have the ability to change. It’s about being aggressive and persistent in changing our habits. I also love the idea of having ONE goal in all the major areas of your life. Don’t try to change it all at once. Don’t discredit that every day is a tiny step in the right direction. One day doesn’t make or break you but one day plus one day plus one day turns into weeks and months of change. Little by little, bit by bit, you will look back and see how far you have come.

 

No matter what your goals are I have some serious and realistic tips for sticking to them.

 

 

  • TALK THEM OUT. Make sure they measure up to the S.M.A.R.T.
  • WRITE THEM DOWN.  Writing things down is powerful in so many ways.
  • HANG THEM UP. You have to look at them frequently. Above your desk, on your mirror, on your fridge!
  • SCHEDULE THEM IN. Make a plan. It’s hard enough to change habits, without a specific plan it’s hopeless.
  • STAY FOCUSED. If you want it, block out anything that stands in your way FOCUS is powerful.
  • HAVE FUN. Goal setting can be intimidating but shit, girlfriend- working on you should be fun. Have a sense of humor about it and remember trying and failing is better than staying stuck.

 

 

I’ll leave you with an awesome quote from one of the best books I’ve ever read The Magic of Thinking Big by David Joseph Schwartz:

 

“You are what you think you are. Think more of yourself and there is more of you.”

 

Your mind is your most powerful muscle. Cheers to a fabulous new year, but not a new you. We can improve things about you, but remember I like you just the way you are. You should too! There are endless possibilities when you look out into the future, focus those gorgeous eyes on a few and let’s do this thing. 

 

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The 2016 Collection: Sharing Your Story

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Sharing your Story

“Your influence is endless. Just like heart disease, cancer, alzheimer’s, you name it, mental illnesses can be deadly. People who suffer from mental illnesses deserve awareness, respect, support, empathy, sympathy and love. It doesn’t just affect those who suffer but anyone and everyone who cares about them. No, you may not understand what it’s like, but do you have to understand what it’s like to have cancer to be compassionate towards people with cancer? Of course not. I have so many friends and family members who are suffering or have suffered. I see you, I feel you and I am here for you. Our mind, our body and our spirit all work as one and each entity of us deserves the utmost tenderness, compassion and respect. I don’t want my story to leave you feeling sad, I want it to leave you…feeling. Because that to me is the ultimate kudos for my story and my “why” , to bring about feeling. We feel things when they matter, and this matters a whole lot to me. In my heart of hearts, when you read this I want you to feel like you matter. Because you do. Everyone has a story and every one matters.”

“We live in a world where what matters MOST does not matter to most.”

“When something truly matters to us not only do we voice our opinion on it but we also live in a manner that manifests those core beliefs.”

“I accept the world we live in will always put people in a box and small minded people will mimic this behavior. But I decided long ago that I would follow my heart, my passion and lead with good intentions and morals. Sure I’ve made a million mistakes along the way, but I have never regretted for one day who I am, what I stand for, and what I represent. I am so happy that my words give me a way to share this mindset with the world, my friends, family and strangers passing through my blog or digital universe. I’m asking you to live above the stereotype. Accept that it will happen. But prove them wrong.  Tolle brilliantly stated, “Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life- and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”  Don’t waste your time with worrying, follow your gut and don’t regret a thing. Look at anyone you encounter as a friend first, if they prove themselves to be an enemy, still prove them wrong with the way you live. So… stereotype me, I dare you.”

“We all want to feel like we aren’t in this thing alone. It is a beautiful feeling when you can make someone else believe they are not alone and usually all that requires is listening to them. We all have that power.”

I want to inspire people to:

  1. Love themselves above all

  2. Value their dreams and FOLLOW THEM relentlessly

  3. Not give a damn what their neighbor thinks of them

  4. LET GO OF WHO THEY THINK THEY SHOULD BE/ THOUGHT THEY WERE

  5. Expand their mind as frequently as possible

  6. Treat their mind, body and soul with tenacious tenderness. Cut yourself some slack

  7. Express themselves. Write it down. Scream it loud. LET IT OUT

  8. Sit back and smell the roses OFTEN

  9. Stop buying things and start buying plane tickets

  10. Do what you say you will do ALWAYS

“The stories inside of me are not something that I feel as if I can survive without telling. That may sound extremely dramatic to those of you who do not have specific creative calling(that you are aware of) but to me it is plain and simple. Like the feeling of hunger, excitement, joy, or sleepiness. The feeling to create is plain and simple for me and it is relentless. The more I listen to it, the freer I feel.”

“Committing myself to my health and fitness has been a catalyst for change in every area of my life. I feel like I would be doing a huge disservice NOT to share everything I have learned and experienced. Once I saw how sharing my journey, not just with health and fitness but with navigating life as a 20 something in our society, impacted others and inspired others I made a vow to myself to never stop sharing.”

“Coaching has taught me how important it is to share your journey and story, not just the triumphs but also the struggles. Not only has my business given me the platform to reach out and connect and talk to people every day but it has reminded me how badly I need to share what is within. And luckily for me, expressing myself in words is a talent of mine and one that I desire to pursue for my entire lifetime. I am just a girl who is trying to remind people that being healthy is so much more than having muscles or a flat stomach. Being healthy is a commitment to yourself from the INSIDE… OUT. You need your mind, body and spirit to feel healthy and each area deserves time, attention, relevance and respect. The journey takes so much self awareness, acceptance, actualization and confidence so no wonder we have trouble doing it alone. I am here to remind you that you don’t have to.”

“I find it fascinating how people are so reluctant to talk about subject matters that are painful, powerful, but undoubtedly important. Why should we brush over the surface of matters instead of diving in deep?”

“My words are my weapon against the future, my cure for the past and my ticket into the present. Sure, I can think about the past when I write, I can still dream about the future, but the magic happens when I sink my teeth deeply into right now. It’s my space. It’s unbelievable how often we hold the ticket to our own success. It’s like we are locked in a jail cell with the key around our neck screaming for someone to let us out. If only, we took the time to look down and into ourself, we would see the power has always been with us.”

The 2016 Collection: Finding Your Passion 

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Finding Your Passion

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“The more I encourage others to take risks, take action and live the life of their dreams the more I continue to do it myself.”

“ Being healthy, active, busy, soaked in sunshine and helping other people as much as I can fills me up”

“No one has an idea and knows where it will take them, they just fight for that one idea and let it evolve naturally.”

“ ‘Being enslaved by the exigencies of life and by our constitution does not preclude the possibility that we can feel free. We experience freedom when we choose a path that provides us both meaning and pleasure.’ Although life itself is full with responsibilities (especially this whole adult gig) when we are choosing what life we make our own it is much easier to feel free and satisfied.”

“Never let someone else’s view of what you SHOULD do with your life steer you away from what you want to do with your life. Even if that means you are saying you don’t know what you want to do. Why is everyone so scared to admit they don’t know what will satisfy them in their career? Why can’t people just say they haven’t found it yet, but they are still actively searching? I respect someone who is constantly trying to better themselves, taking risks, making mistakes, pushing themselves to live a life that fills them with passion much more than someone who pretends to be satisfied by mediocrity.”

“Through The Power of Now I am realizing what all of my passions have in common. Writing, exercising, traveling, children, helping, talking; they all require all of your attention. They force you into the now. I could get lost in my mind FOREVER. I need extremely interactive outlets to channel my Being into being.”

“Creating a life that you love is a tiring roller coaster ride of grit, resilience, inner strength and determination. But loving the LIFE in you, bringing yourself to life, that all lies in the power of now. Our power is infinite but we must tap into ourselves and listen to our hearts, and remember to enjoy simply being. Adventures are by far my favorite thing, so I choose to make an adventure of now.”

“Cheers to having the courage and living the life you imagine and the humility to CHANGE THAT PLAN if it isn’t what you want anymore. Life is simply too short to do anything less. Make it count.”

“I love surrounding myself with good people, not people who have it all together, people who graciously accept not having it all together and always provide an open ear and open heart. I love inspiring(verb) people and I love inspiring(adjective) people. I love moving my body, connecting my mind, body and spirit and challenging myself to expand. People often talk about growth, but the most interesting part about growth for me is I haven’t gotten bigger, I have simply gotten closer to the voice inside my heart. My growth has expanded my mind and my perception but it has lead my back into myself. “What you choose to focus on becomes your reality.” I choose to focus on growth, happiness, adventures and most importantly helping others to do the same.”

“Listen to yourself and what makes you feel at home. If you haven’t found it, keep looking and keep your mind and heart open so when it arrives you won’t be too jaded, frustrated, or scared to find a different home.”

“I think people spend too much time worrying about finding their “passion” and not enough time feeling it out. When you do a job or an activity that you are good at and that brings you happiness, you feel joy. You feel flow. You feel satisfied. You feel on top of the world. DO THINGS and if they feel good, keep them. When they don’t make you feel good, don’t do them again.”

“I am learning to let go of my over analytical mind and accept that finding your passion in life is not a direct flight. We are human beings. Passion evolves as your life evolves and life is a measure of your ability to adapt your behaviors and actions to match your ideals for success and happiness.”

“But here is the thing, although we think we matter a lot, in the scheme of things we matter very little. Some people use this as an excuse to live on a small scale. I view it as the opposite. I use this fact to propel me forward into my future with as much passion, action, adventure and chutzpah as humanly possible. In the end, the only one who knows if you lived the life you are capable of is you.”

“If you haven’t stopped and asked yourself these questions in a while (or maybe ever) please do it now. When do you feel the most like yourself? How often do you do that activity? Does your work incorporate what makes you feel flow? When is the last time you went for an adventure? What is the most beneficial thing you can do with the next hour of your time? Are you living a life that suits you ? Are you experiencing flow more than you are experiencing hardships and pain?”

“Many people don’t take the time to figure out what they actually want, that’s why they never get it.”

“Don’t give up and do not be stagnant. Unless you are bursting with pride and happiness about the life you are creating, you gotta find what is missing by trying something new.”

The 2016 Collection: Travel

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Travel

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“My biggest takeaway from all of my adventures living abroad in two radically different countries and returning back home to America in between, has been that the world is an absolutely captivating and magical place, if you allow it to be. Being open minded is the key to happiness, success, relationships and quite honestly, life.  I truly believe that for the most part people are their own worst enemies and let their fears hold them back from the life they deserve.”

“Traveling has forced me to be okay with not being in control(which if you know me was a VERY hard lesson for me to learn.) Traveling has forced me to see how taking risks is worth the reward. Traveling has forced me to savor the moments as they pass because you may only have a few nights with these new friends who you feel like you’ve known a lifetime. Traveling has made me realize that you don’t need a lot of money to travel you need a lot of GUTS. You need a lot of resilience. You need the willingness to get out of your OWN way and take some risks.”

“You have to be open minded in your approach to your traveling or you could circle the whole globe and not change a thing.”

“You are someone who decides that the desire to see the world is stronger than any other guiding factor.”

“Every traveler holds those stories in their memory, some to share and some to keep, but no two people will see the same world twice.”

“You can see a big and beautiful world or you can see a world full of pain and darkness. That is totally up to you.”

“Good and evil have existed since the beginning of time and will continue to exist. Traveling has reminded me to be open to the magic that this universe has to offer. Not just when you feel like it. Not just for a week or a stage in life. Be open to what the world has to offer you and see the magic in everyday life. Don’t ever stop seeing life as an adventure and that mindset will manifest your reality.  Leaving home does not mean that I never look back, I look back all the time. But my eyes have changed, my mind has expanded, my heart has opened.  I take life as it comes and I take people for what they are. I control myself (this is without a pitcher of sangria in my blood) because I know that’s the only thing I can control. I EMBRACE uncertainty because instead of holding myself back or being afraid of it, I am learning to celebrate the fact that I have no clue what’s next. None of us do. The more authentically you open your mind and your heart to the world around you the more the world around you opens. Allow the world to be the magical and captivating place that it is. Get out of your own way. I’m not saying everyone should quit their job to travel the world but DAMN, I am glad that I did.”

“The travel bug isn’t a creature you want to take lightly.”

“Traveling pushes me to my limits and pushed me out of my comfort zone to allow me the room to blossom into who I want to be. Or at least put me on the road to who I want to be. Traveling gave me the reason to start sharing my writing and the confidence to believe I had something to say.”

“When I lived in Syracuse last year for a short time, I might have taken for granted a nice dinner with Mom, an afternoon with my niece and nephew or getting ready with one of my best friends, but now, these moments feel like memories as they are happening. I cherish them with the sense of fragility and preciousness they deserve. Because I can’t see everyone I love as often as I want, I am able to invest fully in those moments and give my full self.”

“Wherever you are, and however you celebrate, remember to make this holiday season about love, celebration and admiration for life and the many blessings you have been given. It’s not wrong to miss what you’ve left behind, but don’t let it stop you from experiencing what is right in front of you.”

 

“Home will always be home for me. But the greatest feat of all, is feeling at home within yourself. I can be alone on the other side of the world but I am confident enough in who I am and where I’m going to feel at home.”

The 2016 Collection: Health

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Health

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“It is not selfish to work on yourself first, it is compulsory. You do not need to be perfect to help other people, I am so far from perfect it’s not even funny. You need to be willing to be both earnest and light hearted about this whole self-improvement business and speak from a place of genuine concern for others.”

“Only you understand your own mind and body and so often we listen to what society thinks, our boss thinks, or what our inner circles think that we stop thinking at all.”

“How can I connect to you if I didn’t have 50  or even 10 pounds to lose? Because I have had hundreds of pounds of internal struggles that I have had to work SO HARD to shed. Those “pounds” affected my world and my mental health just as much as physical pounds. And because I am a compassionate human being, that my friends, has no dress size.”

“ ‘Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.’ Let the light shine on you so you can let your light shine. Self love is not arrogance or cockiness. It is so far from that. Self love is treating YOU how you would your  best friend or your lover. Give yourself those positive affirmations and encouragement. Give yourself a break. Look at yourself in the mirror and don’t criticize everything you see, embrace it, compliment it and accept that you are SO MUCH MORE than that vessel. My strength and my self love have so much to do with what I have done with and to my mind. The more we love ourselves, the more we allow others to do the same. When I look in the mirror today I am proud of who I am. Not just the girl I see but the girl I hear in my head. Mind, body and soul. No matter who you are or what you’ve been through in the past, it’s up to you to start today and to love yourself ferociously. Stop living in your own shadow.”

“We need to be women who speak up. We need to be women who champion for others, not just other women, but anyone who is an underdog that will not champion for themselves. We need to be strong and fierce. We need to be vulnerable. We need to teach little girls that it’s not about who has the most Barbie dolls or the prettiest dresses but who shows kindness and compassion to others. We need to stop telling little girls how pretty they are and start asking them what books they are reading…We need to drink beer when we want to  and wine when we need to. We need to make other women feel powerful, beautiful and sexy no matter what they wear, what their body looks like or what happened in their past. We need to gain respect by simply living in a manner that demands respect. We need to stop comparing our lives to celebrities or our sorority sister’s instagram account. Her instagram account is not her life, it’s a projection of what she wants you to see of her life.”

“Mental illness is not something that can be detected by the way someone looks, the persona they present in public or the pictures you see of them. Mental illness does not discriminate. It is ruthless and isolating. It is destructive and consuming.”

“Being healthy is about so much more than what we eat, how often we exercise and how many pounds our physical body weighs; being healthy is a choice to treat yourself with the love and respect you would treat your very best friend or your grandma. Tender discipline.  Being healthy is looking in the mirror and liking what you see, not because you have muscles and toned arms but because you work hard on yourself day in and day out and you know no matter what life throws your way-you will always be your number one fan. Let me know when you find a scale that can measure that, and I’ll be the first to buy it. Step off the scale and step into freedom. Feel that weight off your shoulders? It’s infinitely more pleasant on the other side.”

The 2016 Collection: Change 

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Change


“When you focus on changing yourself for the better, everything around you gets better too. My goal is to continue to fight HARD to be the best me I can be. I am so happy with my life right now but that is a continual process not a finish line.”

“I tried to get a few friends to come with me but everyone was busy, instead of NOT going I decided just to go by myself.People are friendlier than you think, JUST GO FOR IT.”

“If you are brokenhearted by the “perfect guy” I promise you that is not your good guy. As hard as that might be to accept, in hindsight you will see it all too clearly. A good guy is not your whole life but he makes your heart feel whole. You will never forget the pain of true heartbreak but luckily it shapes you into an even better partner to your good guy.”

“Traveling and being an entrepreneur have both opened my eyes to following MY path even if it’s not the path I expected. “A #girlboss is someone who’s in charge of her own life. She gets what she wants because she works for it…You’re a fighter-you know when to throw punches and when to roll with them”

I am learning and growing and being pushed to better myself every single day. I am immersed in a world full of dreamers and it’s so much better on the other side.”

 “Because I believed that the best was yet to come… the best came and is still coming.”

“So whether you are having a shit week or an awesome one, the moments are fleeting and the impermanence of your circumstance is what makes life the unique, fragile and beautiful experience that it is. Carry love with you and spread it around whenever you can and I promise if you do that, when you need love, it will be there for you.”

“I don’t just wake up everyday feeling awesome and motivated and ready to take on the world. I found things that MAKE ME feel that way, like exercising first thing in the morning, yoga, reading personal development books, and listening to inspiring podcasts. I also am highly influenced by the company I keep so I have learned to find a solid, positive and supportive tribe wherever I wander. When I don’t do these things, I don’t feel as motivated. I know myself and I know when I don’t keep myself busy I get into trouble, which is why I have designed a life where I am entertained, challenged and engaged constantly.”

“If you are making the transition to a healthier lifestyle, just remember it does not have to be all or nothing. Deciding that you are going to change takes effort, practice, and a whole lot of self reflection and control. But if you find things that speak to your soul, if you find things that make you truly happy- do more of those and less of things that drag you down.”
“But make a decision to consciously seek things that light you up and when you find them LISTEN. I feel so free to live my life the way I please. I feel free to push myself towards my dreams and have a damn good time while I’m at it. Don’t waste time sticking yourself into categories or worrying about what other people think- let your true self come alive and keep feeding yourself things your soul likes (mine really likes donuts and blogging.)”

“The day I gave myself permission to evolve was the day I started living.”