Tag: 20 somethings

New Year, New You: Balance is a lie  

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Some days I amaze myself, other days I eat hummus with a spoon and no pants. It’s all about that balance, right?

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Wrong. What if I told you balance is a lie. It’s a false ideology that you are never going to achieve and actually may cause you more heartache than inspiration. Well, that’s dramatic. But parts of it really ring true so let me help you shift your perspective a bit.

I wrote this blog post last night and I woke up early sat on my couch with my essential oils and my crystals and pressed play on the Calm app for my meditation as I do almost every morning. Each day has a theme and today’s was “Sharpening your Saw” I always wrack my brain for what it could mean  and then it’s always better than I expected. Oddly enough(you’ll laugh when you read the rest of this blog) the meditation was about balance. But the sharpening of the saw analogy is one I must share.

A woodcutter who was very busy cutting wood started with a very sharp saw. The more he cuts the more dull the blade becomes and the less efficient he is cutting wood. But he worries about stopping the process to sharpen the blade because he already has so much cutting to do. Little does he know stopping will actually maximize his efficiency and improve the process overall. She equated this to our self care practices. Often times we believe we don’t have time to exercise, meditate, go for walks or take a nice bubble bath. But stopping to “sharpen our saw” doesn’t waste time, it in fact allows us to have more energy for all our other responsibilities and relationships. It might seem like you are using your energy selfishly for self-care but truly it is the most beneficial thing we can tilt our time and energy into. Listening to this was eye-opening and reinforced the concept I am about to share with you.

About a year ago I read an article, by my beautiful and talented friend  Hollie, about tilting. I understood this concept for myself but I never knew it had a name. Hollie explained, “Tilting prioritises making choices each day depending on what is going on in that moment.”

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Should you move abroad?

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This is probably the most common and repeated question I am asked. Should I study abroad? I was thinking about teaching overseas, what’s it like? What brought you to Thailand…Australia.. New Zealand?When I sense this reoccurring theme I think… blog post. That’s what happens when you’ve been blogging for this long. It’s easier to just get out all the advice in one fell swoop.

So… you’re thinking about teaching abroad? Dreaming of leaving your boring job behind to travel the world? Want to meet a sexy foreign man and never return? Be careful.. It can really happen! Trust me, I’m speaking from experience here.

So let’s go through some pros and the cons and what I believe you need to be ready for no matter where you go or why.

Pros

Your life becomes a “holiday”— When you move abroad everything feels shiny, new and exciting. You always feel like you are traveling because, well, you are. You feel excited to do ordinary and mundane things and every single day someone comments on your accent. You are an outsider, which to me makes life fresh and unusual. And I love that.

You see so much-– I always say the best way to see a country is to live there. 2 weeks in a country. Forget it. You don’t actually get a real feel for the culture, the people, the struggles, the local spots and the hidden gems. Should you still go if that’s all the time you have? Of course. But the best way to see a country/ area of the world is to just move there already. Stop thinking so much.

You never have to say “what if”— I have had so many older people tell me that they wished they did what I did when they were young. I promised myself I would never be someone who looked back and regretted getting settled down too fast– and I am definitely keeping that promise. I would rather give it a shot and hate it, then never try and just dream about it for the rest of my life.

You gain a newfound respect for your home– You start to love and appreciate home more than ever. You understand what a gift it is to have familiar faces and places. You savor every second with loved ones. You realize how privileged you were to grow up where you did. (in my case, anyway) and you are proud to represent your country-no matter where you roam.

You find out what you actually like– Traveling and living abroad teaches you to actually figure out what hobbies and interests light you up. You can’t travel and see the world while having 17 random hobbies you only do because of your group of friends. You probably can’t get your nails done every two weeks and buy all the latest trendy outfits, but if you’re like me you’ll realize that shit didn’t really make you happy anyway.

You don’t define yourself the same way– When you live in your hometown, home state or even your home country: you are constantly defined by constructs outside of yourself. Your family, your church or religion, your friends, your college, your favorite sports team, your gym or your state. Once you cross the borders, you have to define you. Everything about your past is just a story and a memory. People meet you at face value–who are you today? You can be whoever you want to be. Sure, you never lose those parts of yourself but you get to decide how closely you let them define you.

You realize it’s not the only way– This was one of the biggest things for me. The perspective. The cultural differences. It’s absolutely mind blowing at first. I remember when I first moved to Thailand I felt so sorry for the young children playing in the streets with no shoes. I could tell that they lived in the small area at the back of their parents shop and I felt like I wanted to adopt them and “save them.” I quickly realized they had every single thing they needed and they were as happy as clams. I stopped feeling sorry for them and started feeling sorry for the  4 year old kids, glued to their iPad in the back seat of the Range Rover with 4 nannies and a serious lack of attention and interaction with their parents.

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Kicking off 2016: Dry January

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My last post was Christmas Eve, so hello again friends. I hate to sound like a broken record because every time I realize how overdue I am for a blog post I start writing and apologize for my inconsistent nature. I have a personal goal to write SOMETHING every single day but that doesn’t always translate to blog material. Sometimes it is simply thoughts & musings in my planner, rants in the notepad on my iPhone or scribbles on my lesson plans. As I’ve said before I am someone who is very self-aware, both of my strengths and of my weaknesses. Suffering from ADHD gives me an incredible energy and ability to take on loads of projects but it also leads me to bite off more than I can chew. I want to do it all which makes it very hard to do it all well, consistently. This is something I cut myself slack for but when it comes down to it, I know that my behavior and my habits are in my control. My creative mind seeks space to grow, breathe, wonder and wander but my Type A side needs routine, control, and stability. I am an open book when it comes to my shortcomings and I refuse to “accept” things that are within my control as the “way it is”.

This is where the fitness aspect of my life is crucial. After a month of my 60 day exercise challenge and 5am wake up calls for workouts I am feeling motivated, determined, focused, dedicated, empowered, committed, and excited (clearly we have been working on forming adjectives in my ESL classroom this week). Having physical fitness goals and a program to follow gives me the discipline I need in my life. I am very skilled at doing whatever the hell I please. But, I am wise enough to want more. I know I can push myself to be more than average, ordinary, or satisfactory. Fitness reminds me you have to work HARD for what you want. You have to put in the effort on days you feel like it and especially on days you don’t. You have to commit and stay consistent in that commitment to see results. When you are wishy washy in your commitment your results are wishy washy and ordinary. With the start of 2016 I naturally reflected upon my journey through 2015 and how many ups and downs I had. When I bite off more than I can chew I manage to swallow anyway but it is a personal goal of mine to channel my energy into fewer projects this year with MORE mindful focus and intentionality placed on the chosen ones. 2015 has been a year of monumental growth from the inside out. The funny thing about figuring yourself out is you continue to change while doing so and hence, have more to figure out! You must believe you CAN do anything but accept you can’t successfully do everything(I know, I know…but you still wanna try). I know that my anything begins with using my words & sharing my constant journey to a balanced, healthy lifestyle full of adventure & genuine happiness.

I had two incredibly different teaching jobs in 2015, one that was so stressful, emotionally draining and exhausting and one that is currently uplifting, flexible, and my classroom once again feels like a place where I feel my creativity is celebrated. I feel like I am positively influencing my student’s lives every day.  I am happy to go to work every morning. I have also slowly but surely dove into building my own business as a health and fitness coach. This is something I never in a million years imagined I would do but as I progress as an individual I realize that most people don’t turn out to be or do what thought they were going to be. That’s the fun part about life. We don’t know what the future holds but we are surely in control of building ourselves up into the best possible versions of ourselves. Jim Rohn said, “Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.” As I mature, I realize that when I make myself better I in-turn become better at whatever job or life obstacle is in front of me. The more I encourage others to take risks, take action and live the life of their dreams the more I continue to do it myself.

Accepting that my path is incredibly different than an average American 20-something has given me the power to listen closely my heart and actually TRY different things to find what makes me genuinely happy. The hard part is this process is never ending and at times can feel daunting but I have some truly hysterical people in my life who remind me not to take anything too seriously. It is amazing to me what different people teach you and as a traveler, teacher and coach I am constantly influenced by so many interesting and dynamic individuals.  It is a fascinating world and my favorite way to experience it is through the stories of strangers and new memories with friends.

Between all these goals, plans and dreams for the future I refuse to forget the invaluable moments that are happening right now.

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Always American

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After living abroad in two different countries over the past couple of years and visiting numerous others I have gained a whole new insight about what it means to be an American. Usually I am long winded but today I want to keep it short and sweet. Today is a day in history that makes people around the world nostalgic and cognizant of a horrible tragedy that shook up America and the world as we knew it. Looking at the date, September 11th, always gives me a funny feeling in my stomach and brings thoughts of America, New York, my family and the incredible strength and resilience of the place I am proud to call home. Being an American abroad is an interesting hat to wear. I am greatly outnumbered and in the past two years I have spent on the road, I can count on two hands how many Americans I have met. I try to explain to my new friends from England, Australia, Canada, and basically all over Europe that traveling simply isn’t valued the same way in America. We don’t have “gap years”. I didn’t even know what a gap year was until I moved to South East Asia. Some of my American friends will read this and still not know. I am not saying that one way is right or wrong, but it simply is the way it is. Traveling for the vast majority of Americans is for 2-6 weeks of vacation, not a renowned lifestyle.

I have found that as an expat American I spend a lot of time answering questions, proving stereotypes wrong and explaining things that “we’ve only seen in the films.” I love being American and I love my country. Like any country we have many faults and we are held to an impossible standard due to the international spotlight we have held for decades but overall our ideals prevail and freedom remains paramount. I do everything in my power to enlighten everyone I encounter on how many beautiful people there are in America and represent the well educated, well cultured, middle class, open minded population who often get overlooked.  We are so much more than the Kardashians.

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I will save my criticisms for another day because today I simply want to honor the men and women who lost their lives and the millions of people left behind to pick up the pieces. It doesn’t matter where you come from if you were alive on September 11, 2001; you know where you were, how you found out and what you felt about it. Whenever the topic has been brought up with a group of friends from other countries, I can feel their genuine sympathy and empathy as human beings and members of our generation. Today I pause to be grateful for my life, my freedom, my country and my ability to create a life I love. I pause to remember all of the pain that this day brings for so many. We will truly never forget. Despite all of the superficial ways that America is portrayed in films, reality television and on the internet, I can genuinely say that September 11th is a day that represents the heart of America, the strength of it’s people and the ability to rise from the ashes.

I refuse to let the hate and tragedy of that day outshine the light. The stories of the heroes who sacrificed everything, including their own lives, those are the stories that need to be told. The countless fathers who never made it home to their kids. The police officers, firefighters, military personnel, and ordinary Joes who gave their lives to save others, they deserve the spotlight. September 11th 2001 was the first day I saw my parents as vulnerable human beings. The first day I saw my dad cry and the first time I realized that some pain is simply too great to put into words. In my humble attempt, I hope I remind my fellow Americans how truly strong and beautiful our country is, especially our people. I hope for my international friends, you get an authentic representation of how today feels from the inside. For anyone who lost someone 14 years ago today, my heart goes out to you. I know the pain never fades but hopefully the fact that millions are here to feel that pain with you lightens the weight of the burden. We simply can’t survive events like this without sticking together and searching for the hope under the rubble. Today and ALWAYS, I am proud to be an American.

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Simply Straya& Serendipity

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It’s been a while but I’m back with a ridiculous surplus of adventures to share from the past two months of my life. I’ve felt more alive in the past two months then I can ever remember. I feel as if I have said that before on my blog but with little fear of redundancy I dare say it again. I must be doing something right if I continue to feel more and more alive with each chapter of my journey. As if moving to Australia wasn’t exciting enough I also stumbled into what still feels like a fairytale right before I left home. There are so many clichés that can make you crazy, especially about love, more specifically about love when you are doing everything in your power to not be tied to anyone or anywhere. But the old cliché that “it always happens when you stop looking for it” has reared its ironic little head into my life. I had no idea who I would find, staggering through Benjamin’s with more wine than blood in my veins, but I couldn’t be happier that I did. Our circumstance seems impossible but as always I am a firm believer that everything works out the way it is supposed to. I am trusting in my gut, the universe, whatever you want to call it and I’m sure everything will fall into place. Thanks to my new partner in crime my last month in America was kicked into overdrive with lots of new friends, good food, long nights, surprises, Coronas and heart to hearts and the grand finale of jumping out of a plane for the first time. We went skydiving the day before I left for Australia and it epitomized how the last month felt; intimidating but extremely exciting, vulnerable but free, anxious but genuinely joyful. I guess it’s most easily explained as serendipity, finding something good without looking for it. And honestly, I still can’t stop smiling.

The next day I hopped in the minivan with my parents, my ridiculously stuffed backpack(s) and boarded the plane with my new traveling partner, and lifetime partner in crime, my older brother Nick. We started off strong by being dropped off at the wrong terminal at JFK. After 27 hours, lots of bickering, and an exploded beard oil can (leading to an extreme drug dog scare at customs) we finally arrived in Australia(or Straya…what we lovingly call it now). We got a shuttle to our hostel in Brisbane, which is the center of the east coast of Australia. We had one night booked at our hostel and absolutely no further plans. I am not exaggerating. We explored the city all day, hit up a street food market and called it an early night. We decided to book another night and wait for the arrival of the final member of the #Wandernuts trio, Jackie, to arrive from Fiji. The owner of the hostel just laughed as we came down to reception the next morning and asked to book another night. He said, “Yeah I planned on coming to Brisbane for a week… 9 years later…” Nick and I looked at each other with an “OH SHIT” kind of glare and #9yearslater became a running joke for the rest of the trip.

It is absolutely mind blowing how many people I have met in Australia in the past month who had no intentions of staying one place or the other but were enticed by the beauty, the freedom and the kindness that saturate every corner of this country. Brisbane served us well and who knows how long we would have been trapped there if it wasn’t for Nick & Jackie’s deadlines to get back to America. If you are visiting Brisbane be sure to check out the XXXX Brewery tour, Koala Sanctuary, rent bikes and tour the riverfront, botanical garden and lagoon. If you are looking for an amazing hostel check out Brisbane City Backpackers, awesome location, sweet set up and the staff was so helpful. The people we met in Brisbane truly made that city come alive. In the blink of an eye, we went from having no plan to having every single day, bus, hostel, ferry and boat trip planned for the next two and a half weeks. Shout out to Jake at Wicked Travel Brisbane, thanks for simplifying our lives and making our holiday experience perfect!

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Make it Matter

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IMG_5974                When I started my blog I started with the intentions of sharing my journey in Thailand with my friends and family. I knew it would be hard to communicate and share all the details of life with everyone I cared for half way across the world. Technology is an incredible tool that like most things in life can be abused or can be used to enhance the lives of others. Once I began to share my stories, experiences, thoughts and feelings, I realized how powerful it is to share your life with others. Sometimes people share too much and are too concerned with what others think about their life. For me, I focused on all of the positive feedback I was receiving and how my story and my words were making a difference in the life of others. Once I started getting into my own blog, I spent a lot of time reading other’s work too. I began following many personal travel blogs, lifestyle blogs, poets, DIY experts, foodies…you name it. I have a vast range of interests and I respect and admire an assortment of expressions of life. I truly am awed and fascinated by people and what makes them tick. Blogging is an incredible way to jump into the driver’s seat of someone else’s life for 5-10 minutes and take a moment to immerse yourself in their reality. If you immerse yourself in someone else’s reality, you feel more connected to your own and more cognizant that the dreams you have and the struggles you face are not the only thing that matter.

While I was living in Thailand I went through many personal life changes. I got to know myself in a way that I didn’t even know was necessary. I suffered a life changing heartbreak that for the most part I lived through privately. I was given many “gifts”, as I fondly call them, of articles written about heartbreak, suffering loss, and finding yourself; but at that time I wasn’t ready or willing to air any “dirty laundry” through my own words. When you are going through something so personal, it helps to share but there is a very thin line between expressing yourself and being distasteful. I was raised in a manner to know that if I didn’t have anything nice to say I shouldn’t say at all. But I wrote every day for myself. I used my words to integrate all of the emotion I was experiencing into concrete expressions. I learned that as a person I not only like writing, I need it. I still was keeping up and writing my blog. I was being honest about my struggles but not in an overly explicit manner. I wasn’t able to comprehend my thoughts or understand how I would move forward in life so I chose to take that part of the journey privately.

Today, I am here to share what I have learned not because I need to but because I want to be that “gift” for someone else. Once you are on the advice giving side again and not the advice seeker, you tend to come full circle with situations. This article is about my heartbreak, but it is not about you. It is about me. If you are going to piss off a woman you shouldn’t piss off a woman who can write. Just ask any of Taylor Swift’s ex boyfriends. If you have the balls to do it, you should have the balls to read about it. And not just read about it, but read an eloquently constructed piece that evokes genuine emotion and empathy and possibly scorn from anyone who reads it. But again this piece isn’t about you…it’s about me. I actually wrote this blog post months ago, first with notes in my notepad on my phone, and then on my computer. To my surprise, I have never had one entry lost or deleted. I write everything on a word document and then post it as a draft on WordPress and then publish it. For some reason, when I went back to look for this entry, it was nowhere to be found. I think it was a sign that my thoughts had not come full circle and I wasn’t ready to synthesize my experiences into a meaningful, but honest piece. Today I am more than ready.

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Bali Livin: Footloose and Fancy-free

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As an American when I thought about Bali, it seemed like a far off distant Neverland that could only be dreamed about or pinned on Pinterest. When I moved to Thailand I truly had no idea that I would explore South East Asia so much while I was there. I quickly realized that I absolutely had to take advantage of being on this side of the world therefore any chance I got to explore a new country I took. After many separate groups of teacher friends made their way to Bali after our first semester in Thailand, I knew I had to make it happen. Just like that Jackie, Maggie and I booked our flights and convinced our friend Brittaney to come along with us. (Not that it took much convincing). We got tons of advice from friends which made planning our trip relatively easy. We also agreed to remain extremely flexible in our plans by only booking our first hotel. We started our Bali adventure in Ubud, which is north of the airport near the center of the island. Ubud is known for its rice fields and amazing scenery. I will tell you a little secret…Ubud is the best kept secret of BalI! We expected to spend a night or two, do some outdoorsy stuff and then head straight for the beaches. We were absolutely captivated by this town the moment we stepped foot in it. It was so quaint and interesting, with brick sidewalks and tree lined streets full of shops, cafes, spas and art galleries. There was a huge cultural influence woven into the streets due to the temples and ancient architecture still standing but converted into hotels, businesses and restaurants. It was a whirlwind experience and we ended up staying a few extra nights to soak up as much Indonesian culture as we could. Must sees if you are traveling to Ubud:

Monkey Forest– A short walk from the action of downtown Monkey Forest is a nature reserve and temple swarming with wild monkeys. They can be vicious (one bit Jackie & stole her sunscreen from her bag) or they can be very loving (at least 3 climbed on my head and gave me high fives). I think it just depends on the monkey vibes you give off. Clearly, there has to be part monkey in me somewhere.

 Sunrise at Mt. Batur– We woke up at 2 am and took a painfully winding ride to the bottom of the active volcano Mt. Batur. We proceeded to hike 1,716 meters up this volcano in the freezing cold and pitch black. Maggie was the ultimate trooper and completed the hike in FLIP FLOPS! On top of the volcano watching the sunrise above the fog is one of the most vivid memories I have of the trip. I felt like I was on top of the world. The hike down the volcano slowly brought us back to reality but that is the way things go with traveling, you gotta take the good with the bad.

A Coffee Plantation– Bali is known for its coffee and this made me ecstatic after suffering for a year with instant coffee in Thailand. We got the chance to visit a coffee plantation and taste test about 10 different types of coffees and teas. The most famous coffee was called Luwak Coffee. It is made by feeding the coffee beans to an animal, a Lombak, and waiting for them to poop it out. The bean ferments in their stomach and then it is roasted normally. It is casually referred to as “Shit coffee”. Jackie and I had to try a cup and it was honestly delicious. Good luck finding some in the states because it supposedly costs 50$ a cup!

Authentic Scenery- We had so many friendly tour guides/cab drivers who took us on excursions off the beaten path. It was incredible to explore the rice fields and secluded neighborhoods of Indonesia. I can picture the narrow roads in my head and I hear the ONE Indonesian song playing…that lasted about 25 minutes….and was on every time we got into a car. Nonetheless, it was magical scenery and so different than what you picture when you hear “Bali”.

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WARNING: THIS IS NOT A LIST

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This piece does not have 10 steps, 5 reasons, 6 magic ways, or 4 crucial ingredients to define happiness, success, or how to win a lovers heart. I actually submitted it to Thought Catalog a few months ago but I presume it offended too many of the writers for it to be published. As an avid reader of Thought Catalog, Buzzfeed, Elite Daily, etc., I admit that I enjoy and often share links for these listed advice or reflection articles. This is in no manner intended to insult or diminish the work of the wonderful authors who write pieces like this. I even begrudgingly  snuck in a list on my last blog post (in a different context listing the places I visited on a long trip). But frankly, I actively search for articles that don’t include this extremely popular fad format of writing.

Part of the beauty of literature, reading, writing, and of course thinking is interpreting a text in your own fashion and pace. These listed pieces have given our generation and digital society yet another reason to rush through life and through thinking. Thinking takes time. I may have already lost some of you because you see a computer screen filled with paragraphs and not a neat and tidy list. Stick with me. Although many of these articles are beautifully written and have heartfelt messages, I am immediately turned off when I scroll through this newly cliché presentation.

Life is not that simple! As a society we are trying to simplify life in every single aspect. But along the way, we are losing the ability to process pain, complexities and true struggle. We are loosing the ability to discover the right answers because we immediately search for the definitive answers according to someone else. We are loosing the ability to communicate at all. I am currently teaching EFL in Thailand. In the few months I have been here, I have already started to change and morph as an individual. I have realized how heartbreakingly superficial American society is and how reliant we are on the ease of technology to “guide us through” life.

I love advice. I love giving advice and I love accepting advice from others. I love learning about people’s tribulations, what makes them tick, and struggles that made them come undone. I love talking. I love writing. I love positivity. I believe that we think our way into the life we have. Most of all, I believe in people and the overwhelming power of human connections. Human beings are inspiring, frustrating, delicate, and vulnerable.  Writing is an ancient tool to communicate and connect to others. It is one that we have relied on to learn about human nature, emotions, feelings and everlasting truths. Self- expression is celebrated in today’s society and I applaud us for that. But many people incessantly take on the role of “reader” or “viewer” or “audience”; when will it be your turn to talk, write, sing, dance, cry or think. When will you define your world?

I am not asking you to stop reading popular sites like Thought Catalog, Buzzfeed, or Elite Daily, following blogs and using social media. I will happily continue to read them myself. I am not telling you it isn’t okay to seek comfort in the words or the artistic expressions of others. I use them for comfort all the time. I am asking you to use them as a mode to enhance your mind, life, and relationships instead of a manner to define them.

All the advice in the world cannot replace real life experience. All the motivational lists on the Internet won’t alter your life’s philosophy, because you undoubtedly scroll through the list, read the bolded titles, linger on a few that catch your eye and pretend to have some sort of soul changing epiphany. Then, you go back to creeping on other people’s Facebook or Twitter, online shopping, checking your fantasy football stats, or aimlessly wasting time at work. Thinking is an intricate process that shouldn’t be a part of a routine.

It may be harsh, but it’s true. Why don’t you pick up a piece of literature by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Shakespeare, Thoreau, or Whitman?  Why don’t you meander through WordPress or Blogspot looking for a lonely post that is incredibly well written, but not shared on 500 of your friends Facebook walls? Why don’t you dive into those texts and cling to your own meaning of life and understanding the world around you? Why don’t you call your best friend, meet your grandma for coffee, write a hand written love letter, or go for a hike (maybe even alone)? Why don’t you create something yourself? Why don’t you live the precious life that is anxiously awaiting you? Not only will you understand those lists better, but you will also learn to live by your own distinctive beating heart, soul, and mind not someone else’s preconceived notions of the keys to your happiness.

I urge you, my friends, fellow bloggers, readers, Buzzfeeders, and Thought Catalogers: don’t just be nuances of our universe. Find your voice. Find your happiness. I guarantee it isn’t presented to you in a neat and tidy list. Embrace your life, enhance your life, but never settle to define your life or your choices based on someone else’s reality. Shamelessly slipping into hypocrisy I have a list for you. Here is the key to happiness. 1.  Define yourself.